Slut and other ponderings

Slut. To say I hate the word is an understatement. I despise, loathe, abhor it. It sounds to me like something you'd find at the bottom of a compost pile. Or worse.

What, exactly, is "A Slut?"

I imagine there are are many definitions, and it's different for everyone.

The best definition I found is on Urban Dictionary:

"1. a girl who has sex but does not enjoy it, who is used by guys and lets them do it. She does not have the self respect to make them stop.

2. a girl who likes sex, so she does it. She probably is not in a relationship, and she equalizes herself to guys by treating sex the same way they do.

The difference between the two examples of what society labels as "sluts" is that one has self respect, the other does not. No one should be called a slut anyway, especially when the name "slut" is a purely judgemental and stereotypical one, and no one really knows the real story behind it all, which is pretty much always the case.

"She has sex...therefore she must be a slut."

I completely disagree with that, but that's how society sees it."



Why do I have such a strong reaction to one word? I have been both.

On the one hand, I have this fantasy of dressing in a really slutty way and walking confidently down the street with a man on my arm, going about my business. We all have our fantasies. In reality, I always dress modestly, avoid looking at others (particularly men, this has been ingrained in me by my husband..."good wives" don't look at other men, even a casual glance). So the break out idea of dressing to kill in that short skirt and see through blouse is a way to go against the status quo.

On the other hand, "slut" conjures up to me my wild past of not-so-good relationships of varying lengths and the talk that ensued. Yes, I USED TO BE wild in my youth.

I've changed my attitude towards my sex life (or lack of), wants, desires, and needs in recent months. It has been years since I was "the wild one," -- No more flings for me, no more one night stands, there needs to be a connection, and sex isn't the end all, be all to life. I don't enter into a relationship casually.

Still, I worry that if people found out what I get up to here, even just chatting with Men Who Are Not My Husband, they would talk about me, and the old label would come out again. Not that I ever heard it to my face...it was a label I put on myself.

Those who know me on here would not call me a slut. Far from it. This is why we are friends. Here, unlike Out There, we can enjoy our sexuality in whatever way suits us best. No judgements, no labels, only the reminders that we just may not enjoy the same things (and that's OK). If only Real Life was the same.

I see some user names on here proudly announcing the owner to be a slut. Is this a little bit of taking back a negative name and proclaiming it in a way that makes it good? I hope so.

Slut. I still hate the word.

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