Chapter 5 - Used To Fancy Girls

Chapter 5 - Used To Fancy Girls
There's loads of stuff you didn't want to know in here. See chapters 1-4.


Always fancied girls. The long hair, pretty face, teats and ass and stuff. They always seemed so desirable. Was far too shy to talk to them at school, got the hang of that later. Had monumental crushes on Ali MacGraw and Barbara Hershey, Debbie Harry too. The only lad I ever fancied a bit at school was called Mark, softer lad who hung out with us comprehensive intellectuals. Did think about him once whilst having a tug. Something about a suede/sheepskin coat, not that I ever remember him wearing one, he was more your smart blazer type, but it was just that one time. He grew his hair long, that was probably something to do with it. I've always done that meself. Had plenty of arguments with Mum about it as a kid, and not just because I was scared of the barber. For most of my life I've tended to think that growing your hair long was a musician thing, but these days I think there's more to it than that.


Don't fancy men at all, never have. Didn't grow up with a male role model in my life, just Mum and my sister. Without a dad's example, I suppose I had to invent my own version of what being a man is all about. Still wondering, actually. I always told my son that it wasn't how big you were, but how you acted that defined you, knowing what's right. Manners maketh a man, not muscles. We're not still in the jungle big man. Of course, being big and strong is great. I'm not big, big enough in my pants, but I'm strong enough. I would say that I think some men are good-looking, easy on the eye, and I can see why loads of women would want them for their looks. Brad Pitt, Di Caprio, Wentworth Miller. Can see the attraction for the ladies. If I was a girl, I guess I'd want to hang out with a guy who I thought was handsome, and who acted in a cool way. Always thought that the king of cool was David Bowie. The best songs, the best voice, and the coolest guy ever. McQueen, Eastwood's cowboy and Travolta can chill each other out for second place. Or so I'd say. Argue it out in your own blog.


I mean, to quote Slater, I'm not a homo or anything, but if I had to feck a man, I'd feck Bowie. Specially how he looks on the young americans cover. Pretty boy. But generally, I don't go for that sort of thing at all. All that hairy, smelly and sweaty stuff, no thanks. Men who look like men are a big turn off for me, wheras men looking, dressing and acting like women, oh yes. Pretending to be women. I'll have a fecking massive dose of that. In fact, that's all I'm interested in these days. Dunno what it is that turns me on about it, but it really does. Ever since I've been old enough to do so, I've loved dressing up in women's clothes, but always in secret. Never done it with anyone else, wish I had. Suppose that's why I'm here really. What is it that makes men dressing as women so incredibly exciting? Obviously, we're going to need someone slightly better educated than me to get to the bottom of that one. Bottom, heh heh, sounds a bit rude.


I think I first realised that I fancied CDs when reading Irvine Welsh's book, Filth. Must have been in my late 20s. If you've not read it, do so, Welsh is ace. It's about a copper who crossdresses, big spoiler sorry. Towards the end of the book the baddies catch him, dressed up, and the main baddie wants to have his wicked way with him, even though he knows it's a gurl. Something about that turned me on big time, and ever since then I've found the whole crossdressing universe absolutely fascinating. Had always enjoyed doing it myself, but had never realised I was attracted to other CDs until that moment. As I may have said, it was only until a few weeks ago that I started admitting this stuff even to myself, and I can't believe the thought police haven't dragged me away kicking and screaming, or biting and pulling hair.


Love, Stella X

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