It's been a while since my last Raw Read. Im still not in a great place. I feel as though im in the backseat of a car thats I'm meant to be driving, and it's heading for a cliff. I try to write these as often as I can. It can be quite difficult.
Thank you to everyone who has liked my profile or pictures. Commented or messages me. I appreciate every compliment reading them is often the only time I smile that day. So much love xx 😘
As usual this Raw Read is a ramble, a way of just updating someone, anyone and no one on how my journey is going, because despite the fact that this year has been one big pause for the world. I feel that Its given me time and perspective to deal with issues that I've been hiding away from. My identity, my gender and just the fact that I struggle to connect to others.
I think that's a slightly positive way to view my troubles though. It hurts more as I'm lifting up layer after layer of things I've buried.
I bought myself a new dress. A beautiful pink Lipsy dress. I unfortunately was delusional and ordered a size 14. It does not fit. Still though I've hung it up on my curtain rail in my bedroom. I just like looking at it for now. When I get the motivation to stick to my diet and yoga (which will be very soon) it'll be my goal to fit into that dress. For now though, I just like looking at it.
I still enjoy my girly nights. I love to pamper. Facemasks, a good bath. Shave and soak. A little gin for good measure. Then I get dressed up. I mean it doesn't always lead to an orgasm. I just like feeling and looking sexy sometimes. This is why I'm still torn between wondering if I'm a Crossdresser or I do want to actually transition. Sometimes it feels like a fetish, and I remove clothing as I do reach a climax and other times it's not about the stimulation. It's about appreciating Gemma.
Now for the smut section. I'm still repressed. I've still not met up with anyone. I mean, pretty obvious as Covid is still quite bad. I won't take chances. Im still having me time with Daniel Craig (the name for my dildo) I still can't manage to orgasm hands free yet. I've come close. Im still not convinced I'm doing things right, practice makes perfect though. I can deepthroat the dildo though. I was very proud of myself as, well it's pretty big.
I do still wonder what it will be like to be with another person. Guy or girl. I think I will be amazing to be with, given a little direction. I do still fantasise about being dominated by a man. Treating me like the naughty girl I am. All manner of naughty scenarios for that comes to mind.
I also think it would be facinating to be with another Crossdresser. The two of us dressing up for one another. Helping each other with makeup and attire. Dancing a little. Enjoying each other's company. I mean it doesn't have to lead to sex. If it did though, I would love us to be like two lesbians. Very sensual. Lots of kissing, licking and teasing. Honestly the thought makes me blush just writing about it.
I think this pandemic will end. When it does I would like to think that I will get my chance to encounter others as my feminine self. I hope I have the courage to fight past my anxiety. If I did I think I would help myself and another to have a lot of fun. Until then though, keep your sexy selves safe.
