THE PLACE WHERE I COME FROM

You know you're from Somerset when…

.....You thinks Bath's a big city
.... You can tell sheep from goats
.... You know why to avoid Bridgwater
.... You think Bristol is 'up north'
.... The smell of cow sh*t makes you feel at home
.... Everywhere else in the UK feels cold
.... You learnt to drive in a field or on a beach
.... You know Tesco's don't make meat, eggs, milk etc.
... When the sun goes down it gets dark
.... Your local newspaper's headline is 'cow falls off bridge'
.... You turned to drink, drugs or heavy metal at an early age
.... Your 4x4 has mud on it and it doesn't do the school run
.....If Tinknells don't stock it you don't want it
.... You get excited/worried if you ever go on a motorway
.... Your friends say you sound like a farmer
.... You have nothing to do after 5:30pm
.... You think pink wellies are a fashion statement
.... You know how to walk over a cattle grid
.... 'Short and choppy on the North coast' makes total sense to you
.... You think nothing of grass growing in the middle of the road
.... You know all your neighbours
.... Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you think a young farmers' disco is a wild night out
.... Until you went on holiday, the tallest building you had ever seen was Debenhams in Taunton
.... You drink real ale
.... You went to London............ once........... never again
.... It takes you 4 times longer to drive anywhere between May and September
.... You're a closet fan of The Wurzels
... Your second cousin is also your sister's stepmother
.... Your neighbours' average age is 76
.... You can buy most of your wardrobe at Mole Valley Farmers
.... Your best friend goes joyriding in tractors
.... You can't stand the tourists, despite living off their money
.... You thought it was normal for more than 50% of your high street's shops to be operated by charities
.....Biggest story on the local TV news is a cat locked in a shed for 2 days in Yeovil
.....Your related to half your Village
.....Second biggest story, man fell off his bike in Glastonbury
...You take a torch to the pub
...Your entire phone number used to have 3 digits, it now has 6!
...You suffer from advanced lead poisoning from eating blackberries from hedgerows throughout the 80s.
.... Your car has mud and straw in the boot
....You know mud is supposed to be reddish
....You haven't gone to the Glastonbury Festival since they improved the security fences
....And you still call it the Pilton Pop Festival.
....you know the smell of cellophane
....by the time you are legally old enough to drink, you've already had enough cider to last a lifetime
....your escape plans involve Berry's Coaches
....You go shooting till Feb then get your fly rod out
....you've been up the Wellington Monument
....the only non-white people you've met were running takeaways
....thankfully, your accent mysteriously broadens as you enter country pubs
....you've broken into Vivary Park after dark
....you sneeze and the whole town gets a cold
....you called shoes for PE at school, daps
....You think County Stores is in the same league as Harrods

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