Why is it that even though I've never felt love, that I can become empathetic to someone else’s interpretation of what love feels like?
I have never felt that someone has connected with me in such a way that my soul feels hugged. I've never felt protected. Vulnerable yet safe with that person. I've never felt that craving to speak to, see even smell a person. It's just never happened.
Yet I find I tear up at scenes in films were the couple everyone knows will end up together, eventually gets together. I'm moved by the beauty of words in songs written to express how a person is everything to the singer. When I'm at weddings I feel that frog in my throat. Happiness.
I dont know why but like my sexuality, I keep my emotional side hidden. I fight the urge to express my emotion, my appreciation for that happy moment when I'm with others, but it is there.
So my question is that. If I don't know how to love. I mean, I literally feel sometimes I'm incapable and that's why It hasn't found me, how do I feel so deeply empathetic to it in films, songs, books and anecdotes?
Is it the fantasy I feel connected too. The combination of the mediums effects and edits tricking my brain into feeling a watered down taste of what is actually a beautiful nectar?
If so, empathy hasn't really helped me find real love. If anything it sometimes has made me sad. Like on Valentines Day, when everything is quite literally designed to remind you of what you don't have.
Sure this is just me pitying myself again. I'm just in one of these moods this week. Sure I want sex. Kinky moments of perversion. But I also do want to know what genuine love is, eventually. xx
