IF you can give good head when all about you
Are fluffing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can truss yourself when dominatrixes doubt you,
But make a loose rope for their doubting too;
If you can wank and not be tired by wanking,
Or being tied and bound, don't deal in ties,
Or being fellated, don't give way to felatting,
And yet don't cum too quick, it's your demise:
If you can cream - and not make cream pies faster;
If you can cack - and not make scat your aim;
If you can meet with timewastes and bastards
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to see the photos of you taken
Twisted by photoshop to make wanking fodder for fools,
Or watch the ring you usually poo out of, broken,
And realise its because of taking massive tools:
If you can make one heap of all your garments
And piss on it and not give a toss,
And enjoy it without any misgivings
And wear a thong made out of dental floss;
If you can force your balls and penile sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so keep pumping when there is nothing in you
Except viagra which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can go to orgies and keep your clothes on,
Or visit socials - nor lose the common touch,
If neither fists nor giant dildoes can hurt you,
If all profiles excite you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty millilitres worth of salty cum,
Yours is the Adult Hub and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a swinger son!
try walking a mile in your enemies shoes....at the end of the day you have new shoes and a head start on him
