Mr M wrote to me to say he had a very sore penis. Upon further questionning to make a diagnosis and consequently a prognosis I found that Mr M had recently had anal sex with a lady whislt on his lunch break and then gone back to work for a further 8 hours.
The diagnosis was simple....inflamed foreskin due to the anus of the recipient being tight and no lubrication being used (a dry rooting if you will). Furthermore any bacteria from this coupling was trapped under Mr M's foreskin creating a dermatlogical reaction.
The underside of the foreskin is a haven for infection and must be scrubbed regularly with a copper bristled brush and demestos to prevent sore cock syndrome.
I once had a case where a patient had not cleaned the underside of his foreskin since 1973. I sent him along to a friend of mine, David Dickinson, to see if there was any value in the antique smegma he had accumulated but alas, the auction room that day showed little interest.
Remember, bottoms are dirty places that poo comes out of so the practice of sticking your knob in one is bound to be a gamble. Ask the recipient if they'd mind if you gave them a quick ring rinse (enema) before you pop their tea towel holder to ensure the passage is clean and clear. Failing that put a nodder on and lube it up with a non-petroleum based lubricant such as butter or olive oil or maybe even KY jelly.
The cure for Mr M was to have him lay his cock on the table where his helmet was by now the size of a large gala melon. I then took out my volume 1 of Sexual Diseases Almanac and slammed it down hard on the penis. This released the pus that had built up and thereby released the pressure causing the discomfort. After I had wiped down the surgery wall and resuscitated Mr M he was prescribed 100Mg of Amoxycilin to be taken 3 times a day over a 2 week period.
Next Patient!!!
try walking a mile in your enemies shoes....at the end of the day you have new shoes and a head start on him
