Once upon a time a little chav called Goldie Lacosse decided to go house breaking on the Forest Estate so set off with a screwdriver as soon as it got dark. She heard that 3 squares, (Mummy Square who worked at the Health Clinic as a receptionist, Daddy Square who worked as a stock purchaser for a Builders Merchant and Teenage Square who was at a posher school), had all gone out to a relatives birthday party.
She prized the kitchen window open and cased the joint with a bike light she used as a torch, stolen from a kid who lived round the corner. As she wandered round the house randomly gobbing on the carpets she decided she felt a bit hungry so went and raided the fridge. She forgot about food as soon as she saw the cans of john smiths so necked two. Then she saw a bottle of pinot grigio so finished that but it left an after taste so she swilled her mouth out with a bottle of diet pepsi.
Like all good robbers she decided to check down the sides of the chairs and sofa for cash, scattering cushions everywhere and on finding nothing she slashed the last chair with a stanley knife in frustration.
She stomped upstairs to look for jewellery and cramnmed her pockets. Then to be spiteful she pulled down her Lacosse bottoms and pissed all over the double bed. She then went into the second bedroom and found a PSP and a sony ericsson k850i mobile.
In all her excitement and wityh the effects of the john smiths and pinot grigio she crashed on the single bed and turned the tv on to watch x factor. Then she lit a spliff she stole from her mum's boyfriend and nodded off.
At 10pm the 3 squares came home and Dad went to the fridge for a tin only to find they were gone. 'Who's been supping my beer?' he asked. Mum joined him and saw the pinot grigio was gone and asked 'Who's been drinking my wine?' Worried someone had drank her drink teenie square camne to the fridge and stropped 'Who's had my diet pepsi?'
Dad walked into the lounge and noticed his armchair cushion on the floor and asked 'Who's been sitting in my chair?'
Mum joined him and saw her tv times on the floor with the cushion and asked 'Who's been sitting in my chair?'
Teenie followed and saw her chair ripped to bits and asked 'Who's been in my chair and wrecked it?'
Panicking now, Dad stormed upstairs and into the bedroom and shouted 'Who's been pissing on my bed?'
Mum followed and cried 'Who's been nicking my jewellery?'
Teenie ran into her room and screamed 'There's a chav on my bed!!!'
Dad stormed in and apprehended Goldie Lacosse and Mum phoned the police. the police arrived and arrested Goldie Lacosse and a court date was set for 23rd November. When the date came Goldie Lacosse was given attendence with the Youth Offenders Team and taken on compulsory trips to Alton Towers, Horse Riding and given work experience at a car workshop as well as getting acting lessons and she lived happily ever after.
try walking a mile in your enemies shoes....at the end of the day you have new shoes and a head start on him
