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New Fetishes

6:52 pm Saturday, 6th October, 2007

So many people into BDSM and W/S now. I've thought up some new fetishes for those that are bored.

Pubic fires. Grow your rug for a few weeks then simply rub it with meths or BBQ lighter fluid then apply a naked flame. This is better done in the dark to watch the genital silhouette amongst the blue flame.

Genital burns. Follows on from pubic fires. Slowly massage flamazine cream into the effected part then wrap in cling film to lock moisture in. For men, watch a lesbian floor show and get arousal from feeling your blistered knob straining against the cling film.

Coning. Simply grease up a traffic cone and get a lady friend to squat down on it. Mark off with a permanent marker pen how far down she got then offer the challenge to other females. The winner gets a load of tena pads to stop her insides falling through the hole.

BCF. Also known as Bettaware Catalogue Fun. Order as many items at random from Bettaware as you can afford and use your imagination to decide whether you're going to stick your knob in them or shove them up your ladies flue. No one is allowed to order the massager on page 12 because it looks uncannily like a vibrator.

Icing. Place a series of random objects of different weights in your deep freeze. Take them out one by one and squat over them until your scrotum rests on them and sticks. Stand up and see how much weight you can lift. To remove the objects sit in a bath of luke warm water. This one is good for when you're not expecting visitors for a while because if the doorbell goes you have a serious dilemma.

If anyone ends up in A&E its not my fault. I didnt make you do it. I just said it's something you could do if you get bored.



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try walking a mile in your enemies shoes....at the end of the day you have new shoes and a head start on him


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