or the opposite....be emotionally involved, without having sex?
This is me putting myself out there, as I don't like to talk about my intimate experiences much. But I met someone for a very long time without "falling in love with him." We are friendly, we talk about anything, we had great sex. When things ended with him, after a year, I was more sad than I expected to be. But I neither of us was incredibly emotionally involved.
On the other hand, I've VERY emotionally attached to a few men here, sans sex.
(Now to find both at the same time, but that's another blog).
Maybe this is a man vs woman issue? But I wonder how others, especially the men, feel about it.
6:40 pm Monday, 9th September, 2013
Tom....very true. Trust and respect there more definitely was. And emotion, for sure, but emotionally involved? I think that's a different thing? Maybe I'm wrong. |
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8:04 pm Monday, 9th September, 2013
The word "emotion" is very wide-ranging. It can extend from just liking someone to being completely smitten by them.Sex is so much more pleasurable if you at least are friendly with your partner and you can relate to one another at a basic level, or higher ,hopefully. Of course sex can be without any emotion at all...but how dull. |
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11:26 pm Monday, 9th September, 2013
Last year I met (through another site) a married woman (40s) in Japan with whom I had undoubtedly the best sex of my life. Not only was she intelligent, attractive and elegant, but a sexual connoisseur who made no secret of the fact that she played the field and enjoyed it. |
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12:57 am Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
FA: I wish I could share your enthusiasm for meaningless sex because it would probably broaden the field for me. However, for me, at least *something* has to pass between me and a partner apart from bodily secretions :-) |
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6:30 am Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
FA "... meaningless sex." I'm not convinced such a thing exists. There is always a reason for it, surely. |
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7:11 am Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
Perhaps it depends on our attitude to that sex with that partner. If it is just self gratification, there probably isn't going to be any emotionalspiritual attachment either way. Sex with an escort would probably be that way - it is a transaction, not a relationship of the emotions. But if you have taken time to get to know someone, whether it is on line, by web cam, email, telephone or some combination of them all, you must have established a kind of emotional connection. The physical intimacy is then an expression of that connection, even if one partner may feel it more than the other. |
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9:20 am Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
I've said before, I think it's all about nature and something we can't fight. One of Darwin's studies was on emotions in animals and he believed they exist to help species to survive; natural selection (clever breeding) etc. |
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3:17 pm Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
Luv2: I don't think it's a question of "manning up" about emotional exchange as a result of sex. I would say that it's given - at least as far as I'm concerned. The crux of the matter is how you deal with it. |
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3:26 pm Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
I think it depends on the experience. If it was pleasurable andor exciting then the emotional involvement is just a good memory to look back on. Otherwise its forgotten. |
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3:46 pm Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
I think it very much depends on who you are, I for one have no problems separating sex with or sex without emotion..... |
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4:41 pm Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
WC: Unsure of your plot here. Again, I suggest you take a couple of paracetamols and retire for the day. I can assure you that this particular episode was indeed the best sex of my life ;-) |
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11:38 pm Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
Emotion, feeling, thoughts, sensations, pleasure etc. Hard to draw the line and I am not sure people mean the same things when they use these words. |
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11:41 pm Tuesday, 10th September, 2013
I dont know why the start of that post was edited but it was emotions,feelings, thoughts and sensations. then is added that it can they can blur and can be hard to separate. |
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1:06 am Wednesday, 11th September, 2013
Moby: Thanks for that. I do think that emotional management is an acquired skill, which is perhaps easier to achieve with age and experience. In the context of adult dating, I always likened it to "surfing": It's exhilarating to ride the crest of the wave, but it has to be judged very finely or there is a danger of being engulfed. |
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3:28 pm Wednesday, 11th September, 2013
I feel the need to clarify what I said in my post. I don't think I'm capable of sex without some sort of involvement, usually (not always) intense and quite close. This, I have learned, does not necessarily mean falling in love. I guess I equate "emotional involvement" here with "falling in love" when they are not the same at all. |
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8:49 am Tuesday, 17th December, 2013
The straight answer for me on both counts is yes and yes, but that is just waaaay to simple and others have captured the intricacies of this particular topic brilliantly.
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