Can YOU have sex without being emotionally involved?

Tom....very true. Trust and respect there more definitely was. And emotion, for sure, but emotionally involved? I think that's a different thing? Maybe I'm wrong.

The word "emotion" is very wide-ranging. It can extend from just liking someone to being completely smitten by them.Sex is so much more pleasurable if you at least are friendly with your partner and you can relate to one another at a basic level, or higher ,hopefully. Of course sex can be without any emotion at all...but how dull.

Last year I met (through another site) a married woman (40s) in Japan with whom I had undoubtedly the best sex of my life. Not only was she intelligent, attractive and elegant, but a sexual connoisseur who made no secret of the fact that she played the field and enjoyed it.
She was a head-turner (and not in a tarty sense) in public and very dirty between the sheets. I enjoyed a month of her time, and then we went our separate ways.

There's scarcely a day goes by without me thinking of the time we shared, so it may seem surprising that I never became emotionally attached to her. Why? Because before we met in the flesh, we established a clear picture of our mutual attitudes and what we were there for, and I knew it would not last forever. We made a clean break after exchanging our appreciation for time shared, and never swapped mails again. I knew that if I contacted her begging a rematch, it would have been bad form and a betrayal of our agreement. It would also have tainted the special relationship we had enjoyed, albeit briefly.

If I'd met her 10 years previously, I would probably have acted like a fool and "got depressed" when she didn't answer my mails. However, as I'd had the benefit of experiencing the pitfalls of emotional attachment on two separate occasions before, I had evolved to realize that on adult contact sites, such an attitude can be counterproductive and destructive. I'm using this episode as an illustrative example of how rewarding and memorable adult dating can be if both partners know the rules. However, I do appreciate how difficult it is to find partners who are on the same wavelength and share the same level of maturity, experience and expectation.

FA: I wish I could share your enthusiasm for meaningless sex because it would probably broaden the field for me. However, for me, at least *something* has to pass between me and a partner apart from bodily secretions :-)

It's an interesting philosophical point, though: Is there *really* such a thing as sex that is totally meaningless? Perhaps one could argue that even in your case, the pursuit of self-gratification gives sex a meaning :-)

FA "... meaningless sex." I'm not convinced such a thing exists. There is always a reason for it, surely.

Not sure I could have sex with anyone I didn't at least have some 'chemistry' or 'connection' with.

Perhaps it depends on our attitude to that sex with that partner. If it is just self gratification, there probably isn't going to be any emotionalspiritual attachment either way. Sex with an escort would probably be that way - it is a transaction, not a relationship of the emotions. But if you have taken time to get to know someone, whether it is on line, by web cam, email, telephone or some combination of them all, you must have established a kind of emotional connection. The physical intimacy is then an expression of that connection, even if one partner may feel it more than the other.

I've said before, I think it's all about nature and something we can't fight. One of Darwin's studies was on emotions in animals and he believed they exist to help species to survive; natural selection (clever breeding) etc.

I think lots of us seem to protect ourselves by using phrases like 'no strings attached', 'no emotional involvement'.

Casual sex is just that; sex for physical pleasure, as a one-off (or occasional) event and often with strangers —no names, no history, and most certainly, no tomorrow. even in casual sex, I fail to see how you can become sexually aroused without some form of emotion: It's surely impossible!

As sex is intimate and intense (one would hope), naturally emotions surface, but they can also fade as quickly as you can say, "Blimey, that was the best shag I've had for ages". I would say that any longer-term emotions come from having sex more than once with the same person and with this familiarity comes understanding and an appreciation of each other etc. Let's face it, if it didn't, you would have just moved on to the next warm body that's willing.

We need to man-up and recognise that emotions DO surface during 'casual' or 'nsa' sex. This may well save confusion and heartache at a later date or reading too much into the moment.

Luv2: I don't think it's a question of "manning up" about emotional exchange as a result of sex. I would say that it's given - at least as far as I'm concerned. The crux of the matter is how you deal with it.

I think it depends on the experience. If it was pleasurable andor exciting then the emotional involvement is just a good memory to look back on. Otherwise its forgotten.

I think it very much depends on who you are, I for one have no problems separating sex with or sex without emotion.....
The sex I share with my hubby alone is with emotion, and is very different from the sex we share as a 3sum, I think even with the sex we have from this site, there needs to be some kind of chemistry, but only because it is in an itimate setting, and you do communicate with each other while having a rest, but that isn't an emotional connection..
I have had no problem having totally random sex with strangers at different points, in both a sex club, and through dogging, I do of course accept that it isn't for everyone, but do I need to have any kind of connection with someone to close my eyes and focus on the pleasure my body is receiving... definately not

WC: Unsure of your plot here. Again, I suggest you take a couple of paracetamols and retire for the day. I can assure you that this particular episode was indeed the best sex of my life ;-)

Emotion, feeling, thoughts, sensations, pleasure etc. Hard to draw the line and I am not sure people mean the same things when they use these words.
Is attraction or lust (or horniness) a kind of emotion which is short-lived ?

Does it really matter ? The issue is one of expectation management (thanks to wilf9999 and Skebbie). Being sad at a parting is OK, so long as you know it is going to happen sometime. Problems and difficulties arise when we are unrealistic or feel we have been treated unfairly (similar feeling to being sold a lemon by the usedcar salesman).

I will go as far as calling it "emotion management". It is a skill that has to be learned and it means knowing yourself and realizing when you are getting too involved and using whatever strategy is best for you. Skebbie (with the years) seems to have mastered it and kinkygirl tries to avoid potential emotional gridlock. There's a saying somewhere that "Pleasre of love lasts but a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime" and it applies to other emotions as well, The trick is to turn make that parting not a pain but a pleasure.

Disclaimer: Most of the above is "From a Watcher's Point of View"

I dont know why the start of that post was edited but it was emotions,feelings, thoughts and sensations. then is added that it can they can blur and can be hard to separate.

Moby: Thanks for that. I do think that emotional management is an acquired skill, which is perhaps easier to achieve with age and experience. In the context of adult dating, I always likened it to "surfing": It's exhilarating to ride the crest of the wave, but it has to be judged very finely or there is a danger of being engulfed.

WK: I apologize for getting the wrong end of the stick re. your comment. In my defense I was just about to crash for the night and gave it a cursory glance, but all I could see at that point was sarcasm. Just serves to illustrate how careful one has to be in judging people's intentions via the written word. I've reinstated your "WK" status :-)

I feel the need to clarify what I said in my post. I don't think I'm capable of sex without some sort of involvement, usually (not always) intense and quite close. This, I have learned, does not necessarily mean falling in love. I guess I equate "emotional involvement" here with "falling in love" when they are not the same at all.

The time I spent with my friend was very close, and emotionally we care a lot for each other. What I found surprising in that setting was that I was able to distance myself enough that while I enjoyed his company immensely (and found, for the first time, ever, a man I could truly trust), I didn't all out fall in love with him. Maybe it was because we are both married and I knew from the start that we would never become a "real couple" so I never expected more.

Thanks all for your responses. We have a few different takes on things, but overall, maybe men and women often do look at sex, relationships, and pseudo relationships from the same angle?

The straight answer for me on both counts is yes and yes, but that is just waaaay to simple and others have captured the intricacies of this particular topic brilliantly.

For me even meaningless sex has meaning and even the casual encounter can result in strong emotions before during and after. For instance has anyone had sex that they cannot remember? Didn't think so. Sex they would rather forget possibly - but at least it is memorable and therefore there must be emotion attached.

I think it is the freedom from the feeling of a need to love that is rather liberating.