*** Hello there ***
Yes I decided to get fit and started running 5 miles a day. After 3 months I had no fuckin idea where I was and was 450 miles from home.
I?m just here to fuck and I am married, an amazing lady and someone I'm proud to call my wife, soul mate and best friend.
We live in attic of the Bates Hotel with Norman's mum.
Our neighbour thinks I'm a bit of a looker but if she leaves her curtains open what does she expect?
About me:
I tried on some new underwear yesterday. New to me anyway. I was in Oxfam.
I'd never raise my hand to a woman...it leaves my groin unprotected.
I enjoy karaoke (which is Japanese for 'deaf as fuck')
I like the outdoors especially the local park where I watch the kids jumping up and down...they have no idea I'm only firing blank rounds.
People often ask me what I was doing when Princess Diana died. I don't have an alibi so I'm fucked.
I?m against animal testing....they get all nervous and fuck the answers up.
I phoned one of those accident claim helplines. I shat my pants after 18 pints of Boddingtons but they said it didn't qualify. It's not like I did it on purpose!
I normally wake up after my first steaming hot black coffee...I've tried other enemas but that's my favourite.
I like to give antique dealers used tampons and ask them which period they came from.
My computer always beats me at chess...but it's no match for me at kick boxing.
My interests are releasing CD's (last one was bail set at Β£50,000 but he was grateful).
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
I'm searching for answers to certain questions:
For all you Veggies....If God didn't mean us to eat animals why did he make them out of food?
And for all those health freaks that spend Β£1 on bottled water?..do you know what Evian is spelt backwards?
And why does water that has filtered through volcanic rock for centuries have a ?best before? date?
If hypochondria was ok would people still have it?
Why do people always introduce themselves by name at Alcoholics Anonymous?
Why am I surrounded with smiling men every time I ask someone on Canal Street if I can push their stool in?
On a serious note, who discovers fetishes? I mean, who was the first person to put a bin bag over their head, kettle flex round their neck and an orange in their mouth and why?
Why don't you don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older? Things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
My nickname used to be sledge. I was always being dragged home by dogs.
I can't be arsed dieting so I make fatty food meals for my friends.
I'm very modest and fucking brilliant at it!
I had a psychic girlfriend once. She dumped me before we met.
Finally a bit of advice..
Before you slate anyone, try walking a mile in their shoes....at the end of the day you've got a new pair of shoes and a head start on them
I'm around every so often. If you see me on chat say Hi. If you see me in the street, run!
I am looking to hear from Female and Couple members
Seeking Couple, Female
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| Gender | Male | |
| Age | 50 | |
| Location | UK, England: Buckinghamshire, Henley On Thames | |
| π Sexuality | Straight | |
| π Ethnicity | Mixed Ethnicity | |
| π¬ Smoke | No | |
| π· Drink | Socially | |
| π Drugs | No | |
| π‘οΈ Safe Sex | Always | |
| π Meet At | Your place | |
| π Height | 6ft (183 cm) | |
| β Body Type | A few extra pounds | |
| π± Hair Colour | Black | |
| 𦡠Body hair | Smooth | |
