human behaviour

A guy in a pub gets a tap on the shoulder to find himself face to face with someone who bullied him at school.
"Hello shit cock" said the bully "what you up to now days?" as he grabbed the man ready to paste him for old times sake
The guy said "I'm a professor of human behaviour"
"Sounds fancy" said the bully letting go of him and letting curiousity get the better of him "What does it mean?"
"Well....have you got a pet?" said the professor knowing the bully always had one
"Yeah" said the bully "A goldfish"
"Well....from that i can deduce that you have a pet thats easy to leave on its own. And from that I can see you have no one who can look after your pet so its reasonable to assume you live alone. As you are busy and have no time for a high maintenance pet and the fact you live alone I can guess you don't have sex very much. As you don't have sex often yet have urges I can assume you masturbate frequently. As you masturbate frequently you are therefore a wanker. Do you see how I arrived at that conclusion? From having a ppet to being a wanker?"
Bewildered the bully nodded and said "Thats fuckin clever that is"
The next night the bully was out with his mates and accidentally knocked a man's pint over. The man grabbed him by the collar and before he could land a punch the bully said "Don't hit me....i'm a professor of human behaviour!"
The guy let go of the bully and asked "What the fuck is one of them?"
The bully asked "Do you have any pets?"
"Yes " said the guy
The bully smiled and said proudly "You're a wanker!!"
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Re: human behaviour

maybe it has to be written in Chinglish?!