dead beat

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .....whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! !

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Donatello3	10:41 am Saturday, 16^th September, 2006 A mate of mine used to be a necrophiliac......til some rotten c*** split on him. He didnt mind giving it up....he said it was 'dead boring' My other mate had a fascination for butt plugs.....but after trying them he didnt like them....he said "for what good they are i might as well shove em up me arse" img src="imagesadultemoticons004.gif"
Lurve	7:36 am Monday, 25^th September, 2006 Re: dead beat watersports... now that's just taking the piss.
Donatello3	3:26 pm Monday, 25^th September, 2006 Re: dead beat colostomy fun?...it's not really my bag auto-erotic asphyxiation?..... too much hanging around beastiality?.... i'm a bit too sheepish and not into dogging
alfie19551	9:39 pm Thursday, 28^th September, 2006 Re: dead beat Marriage - Part I Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .....whether you're here or not." (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!) ********************************** Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! ! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last" (HE ASKED FOR IT!) ************************** Marriage (Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!) **************************************** Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
alfie19551	9:54 pm Thursday, 28^th September, 2006 Re: dead beat Subject: Fortune teller In the dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the fortune teller delivered the bad news. "There is no easy way to tell you this so forgive me for being blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the poor woman stared dumbly at the cards, then at the psychic's wrinkled face. She took a deep breath and tried to still her trembling hands. She had to know. Meeting the old woman's gaze, she softly asked, "Will I get away with it?"

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