Seven guidelines for Doms and impact play

I have met a number of ladies and come to some insights on impact play, dominance and submission. What I see / hear is that most wannabe Doms are cock obsessed and timid, in it for the orgasm, not for the impact play that the sub wants. So, from what I gather, it's a quick, light spanking and penetration with limited concern for the lady's wants.

What is it that she wants? Here are seven guidelines to consider…

Firstly, she will be nervous, at least during the first date. The golden rule is to tell her what to expect so she can make her own decision. Nervous tension can lead to arousal, but can also be a hurdle.

How do you get from the arrival to the activity? Probably the best way is the 'no panties' rule with inspection at the door and a penalty if they are worn. Negotiate this in advance. If she wears panties, she is signalling her desire for the penalty. If she doesn't wear panties, the inspection will be the opening act, her way of giving control.

Her arrival signifies a degree of consent but she can withdraw consent by refusing the inspection. If so, politely and sensitively end the date. Make it clear, in advance, that the date is conditional on inspection in advance.

Being punctual is another rule that she can use to obey and give control to her Dom... or not. So is shaving. And remaining in position during the hiding (though it may be difficult for her).

After that, other penalties can be added or tributes demanded. Her obedience and / or submission give her control. Don't overstep the mark or disrespect her limits. Do make the expectations very clear in advance in online chat. Her acceptance and interaction during chat is her way of giving consent.

Start with light penalties. If she accepts them, you can experiment with slightly more severe penalties over time. Don’t negotiate the penalties but do allow her to attempt to negotiate and resist your instructions. It can add to her sense of danger and arousal.

Secondly, although the sense of danger can lead to arousal, she needs to feel safe. One way of achieving this is a safe word but it’s better to explore her limits and understand them. If she needs to use her safe word you have taken it too far. It’s better to take a gradual approach, watch her reactions and slow down if need be. Build up slowly, vary the intensity and the timing of strokes. If she takes pleasure from it, she may progress to the point where she allows a cold caning on arrival.

State your case for her safety and consent in chat. For instance, I will not do asphyxia or needles, even if she asks and I don’t hesitate to say that outright.

Thirdly, she wants arousal during the act. Start by arranging her in position. Use firm hands to show her the position you want her to assume. A finger in her vagina and a hand pressing down gently but firmly is a standard. Is her backside in the right position? A finger in the anus may be what she wants to guide her. However, be sensitive if she shies away. Put down the cane or paddle from time to time to give her a light rub inside and out.

Fourthly, orgasms in aftercare. A woman (read sub) can usually orgasm three to four times. Don’t be shy or squeamish. Read up on the clitoris and erogenous zones in the vagina and use what you learn. A cock will rarely be enough. Use your fingers, plugs, dildos, lips and tongue. Allow her to face sit on you as a reward for her obedience and bravery during the scene. Give her a deep cervical massage. Use standard moisturizer to give her back, legs, breasts, and crotch a massage. You need half an hour at least, preferably longer.

In the fifth place, she wants fantasy. Talk to her well in advance about what you will do to her. Don’t be crude or forceful. You will either repel her or frighten her off. Find a way to say it without swearing. Let her imagination run riot and arouse her days before the meeting. If she arrives wet with arousal, you have done a good job.

In the sixth place, possibly… catharsis. For some, punishment is a release. It allows a sub to shed day-to-day responsibility and, in some cases, the artificial morality that is a barrier to her orgasms. In other cases, she will desire sadness and tears, and the blank, peaceful contentment and empty mind that comes after the endorphin release.

Tears are difficult. If she begins to cry, stop immediately and watch for half a minute. Ask her if she wants you to stop? If she doesn’t get up and stop the scene, give her a light stroke then repeat after another half a minute. If she needs the catharsis, she will not want to explain it to you. She will almost certainly value holding and kisses in aftercare. However, be extremely cautious if this is the case. She might lose herself to the point that she cannot tell you to stop. Start to reduce the intensity.

If her tears are unwanted, she must feel safe enough to halt the scene. Remember that her consent is control.

Finally, deeper connection. If you are bored with one another and can’t talk about other things, it won’t last. Try sending her to have a bath or shower after her hiding, then sit with her and talk about other topics. While you are doing so engage in a bit of aftercare. If she doesn’t want it, she will find ways to let you know.

In conclusion... Respect her limits at all times, and understand that her consent is your permission.

Her fulfillment is the most important thing. Pay attention to what she wants and the scene will most likely repeat.

• Add Comment
• View Blog