'Wannabees' Dominants...

I don't know what the way of doing things is but I like what you say, I am very interested in pegging, would you be up for it. 

I've only just caught up with this blog, and wondered how "wannabe doms" get to know the ropes (pun intended). I'd appreciate any hints and perhaps a comment on my profile?

This reminds me of the old joke:
Masochist, "Are you going to beat me?"
Sadist, "No!"

I understand your concerns with this type of almost "bullying" side from this type of Dom, that could either manifest during a session or even make the Sub feel that way anyway (bullied). But there are Subs, I'm sure, that enjoy and prefer this option. I guess it's about having the right combination of openness and discussion between both parties, trust and self awareness.

I think you are spot on 👍

How very true. 
On first getting acquainted with a potential sub, my first questions revolve around what turns her on andor off. Any worthwhile relationship relies on both parties being satisfied and happy with the situation. 

Couldn’t agree more, a “real” Dom will take the time to learn about a potential sub’s wants and needs, and build trust by tailoring his approach to her needs and respecting her limits.

I agree. The sub is in charge. The Dom must take time to understand their sub. It should be a relationship built on trust and respect

Totally agree the sub has the power

Yes!

Totally agree

The sub is in charge and controls the game. The Dom works within the subs parameters and limits. No question. 

Absolutely not normal, I usually see it as a sign of a fantasist who likely doesn't have the experience they're likely professing to have in their profile. Also I would be cautious when any Domme says they have 'x' years experience, for me I want to observe how they act, look out for curiosity and seeking to learn always rather than thinking they know everything about everything (plot twist, they don't!)
Also great point on safety and consent, absolutely 100% mandatory in any relationship whether long term partner or casual play partner. Any Domme trying to move you on your hard limits isn't safe to be with.

I would say definitely not and i am not sure if you can trust this person to deliver your needs. A submissive puts her trust in her Dom and he should do his utmost to carry out your agenda not his. His only priority should be ( apart from your safety) to deliver your pleasure to you.

I agree making the profile about what the Dom would like to do to you strikes me as being slightly grounded in fantasy. Though I see lots of professional female tops taking exactly this approach and being successful, so I guess it depends from person to person. As always, judging someone’s experience and skill is (usually) about making sense of how a whole array of things fit together, rather than individual flags in isolation. There are exceptions that pertain to consent and safety of course.

Where I would disagree with you though is the comment that BDSM is more about the submissive to a large extent. I think it is about both the Dom and the sub to an equal extent. Just like any partnership, if one side is being selfish and expects more than they are willing to give, it doesn’t lead to a very healthy long term dynamic. Of course, this “equality” expresses itself asymmetrically. The Dom, being in a position of power and responsibility, has a higher duty of care, and has to think more about the sub than the other way around, but that’s not the same things being “more about” the sub. Many subs I know would hate it if the Dom didn’t treat their own needs and desires as at least as important as the sub’s.

Totally agree the submissive is the one in control as they allow the dom the skill in being a dom is reading the sub and giving them there fantasy.

I absolutely agree with you, they are not real Dom’s at all, to be fair questionable if there even wannabes Dom’s 😂

In my view the first thing the dominant should do is listen to the other person so they understand what they are looking for. Really listening to someone is how to build trust which is the key to a successful relationship, 

Definitely agree, entirely wannabes trying anything to get their rocks off, making really hard for genuine Doms to be trusted.