A couple of days in...

I just started on Tuesday.


My GF lives 3.5 hours away and I see her on the weekends. I masturbate a lot when I'm not around her, usually to submissive porn. Every day, sometimes as much as 3 times in a day. I've tried to quit a few times, making it four days before I trick myself into doing it again.


Cock is 3.5 inch flaccid, 5 hard, and I feel like it cannot satisfy her. This has been an issue for as long as I can remember. I was in Thailand in the early 90's. Like many other military, I sought out a sex worker. But instead of taking charge of her, I wanted to be submissive. She didn't know how to act and we never really had sex. I only gave her head. Another woman that I was dating, once asked if I was gay, because I wasn't a dominant in bed. I was homophobic growing up in Arkansas, but have since identified as bisexual, have had sex with men, women, and trans. But trying to act like a dominant in sex, when I don't have that urge (or at least feel fake in it) is difficult. Sex drive goes way down. So for the 200 something odd women I've slept with, I've only had 3 orgasms. I've always thought that I was fucked up in the head.


The combination of this feeling and also a lot of masturbation, makes it difficult to have sex with her and she is frustrated. All of my past gf's have been frustrated after the initial romance stage (1-3 months). My current gf is very vanilla. She's expressed that butt play is out of the question, that she isn't kinky, in the past.


I'm not sure how the discussion is going to happen, but maybe this weekend I will tell her that I'm wearing this to cut out masturbating and to be more responsive to her. I would love to offer her the key. I would love to kneel, in loving submission, and give her control of my cock by offering her the key. But she is so vanilla that I fear greatly that she'll be opposed to the typical script/schemas and will lose all respect for me. This happened with someone before when we played around with me wearing a collar. So I'm particularly hesitant about talking about it.


In the meantime, I am shaved, and wear my chastity cage. It is a different dynamic now, even alone, to lay on my bed and watch the same porn, but this time I'm not skipping around a lot of porn to find that perfect one to orgasm to, which took between 30 and 90 minutes in the past. So much water attention. Now I wear the chastity, the keys are on my altar with statues to dark goddesses (Her, Hecate, Morrigain, Lility, Freya).Totally new to this. I'm not sure what'll happen in the future, but I feels so freeing to wear this and not have to pretend to be a big cocked, super dominant, fucking machine, but just be my small-dicked submissive self.

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