Why I came to love the Sensual Sub Dom relationship

Technically I'm a switch, but I was taught that I had to be a Sub to become a Dom. I believe that is true in this subsection of Kink. To truly value and protect the trust that a sub hands over and understand the rewards that come of it. You must experience it yourself. I have only known a few but the Sensual Doms' I have met were all Sub in the beginning.


This is my sexual world of Kink and why I can never go back to vanilla again.


I was introduced to this life at 20 by a 36yo woman.We lived together for almost a year. She was not a Master and would have laughed had I called her a Dominatrix. She was a woman who had a huge sexual apatite and had an understanding of how to focus down on the physical sensations on the body like no on else I have ever met.


I have spent 30 years doing various things like meditation, yoga, running, working out and other things that might allow me to focus my attention, in a way similar to what she taught me, and I have failed every time.


I know why I failed. It was because those things are all done alone. You must pick a direction or course of action, and self adjust to improve while doing them. For example when doing a pose in yoga I can't just set my body in a pose and try to feel it. I have to keep some of myself as an observer. Have I moved out of position? Can I sink a little deeper into the pose? Have I spent enough time to push to myself and should stop now or can I push just a bit harder? All this watching, judging and deciding takes away from my ability to focus completely, on how it feels to hold the pose.


This is how most of us have sex in the Vanilla world. Think about that. We plan and judge, even when it is great. We stop and start, making sure things are OK even when we are "in the moment". We have to, if we don't we might fall off the bed or put an elbow somewhere it might hurt our partner. See what I mean?


When I turned control, and I mean complete control over to her, I could sink below the surface of sensation. I found bliss. I had no need to watch and plan what to do next. She would tell me, She was watching, She was keeping us safe. She could judge how much further I would go and how much more I could handle. It let me feel my body and physical sensation like nothing else ever has. I'm getting chills and turned on just typing this.


To reach a place that a human can turn themselves and their safety to another person takes time, trust and intimacy if you are like me. It wasn't something I just decided one day. We had to work our way up to it. Some people have the ability to do this very quickly to just about anyone it seems. I don't believe many of those people end in the same corner of Kink I enjoy. But I could be wrong, I have never participated in that dynamic just brushed up against it.


Whichever side of the coin appeals to you, understand that there are conventions or rules we place on ourselves. The use of contracts, safewords and mentors are pretty universal to every type of kink I have researched or spent time around. If you are not being introduced to these concepts you might want to reach out to someone not in your dynamic and ask questions.


As a sensual Dom, I love women. More then just love, I am absolutely fascinated by women. The way you smell, taste, sound, move, the feel of your skin and hair, everything about the female body can be taken alone and appreciated. I want to explore and experience every type of woman I can.


Now, that is not to say that I don't enjoy pain and denial when applied in specific ways. Personally I absolutely do enjoy pain. It is the strongest sexual tool I know. I also love denial which is technically a form of torment. Orgasm denial is he sweetest agony I can imagine. Being taken to the edge of orgasm and directed or stop and and be still. To just hover in that doorway to bliss. Neither in or out, while the sensations build bigger and bigger. To stand at the edge of a cliff without falling and wait. Pain works very well here for me. It is a guidepost for me a measure of how far I have traveled. Something to bring me focus and to measure my resolve against. Can I go further, can I pass this moment in time? Of course I can . She has put me here. She has given me a gift , a gift of strength I wasn't aware I had all along.


And then you have permission and step into oblivion.


This is the world I was given all those years ago. I was away for a time but I will never leave again.


Zaph.

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