What i should be is someone's pet. That's about the right level of, i dunno, willpower or self determination for me. It was never a surprise, i always knew most of the world had nothing to to do with me.
Ideally i'd belong to a couple. I like to watch. They'd be able to rely on one another for the adult, human being stuff in their lives and i'd be around to make other things more satisfying. When you leave the house i'll be sad. When you come back i'll be happy. I don't want you to ever have to worry about me, you know i'll be where you told me to be and i'll do what you tell me to do.
Another nice thing about belonging to a couple is that they could use me on one another. I like the thought of being naughty and using or hurting someone for my pleasure but it's never my first instinct. Nothing would make me hesitate more than possibly hurting someone i care for. But i do what i'm told.
There's nothing wrong with being the property of just one person, though. It could be just you and me, i could be yours. Put me in a cage that only you know about, make me have to wait for you. Tell me what to eat, make me maintain myself the way you want. A lot of things that most people care about don't make any sense to me but i like to please.
But i am capable of suffering. I can be deprived, i can be demeaned, i can be manipulated. Because i'm tall and smart and look masculine, sometimes people defer to me. I fucking hate it when people smarter or stronger or more confident than me do what i say just because i'm white and sound educated. They don't even realize they're doing it. But if you're smarter than me you should be making decisions for me. Heck, "smarter" is the wrong word--Being good at analyzing systems and solving puzzles doesn't make me just good at choosing or planning things. I need a real person to tell me what to do.
Being smart is a contributing factor to my masochism and submissivness, rather than the contrary. I know that my flesh isn't ~me~, it's just associated with me. It's a tool, a mechanism. It exists to be used. I'm not the best person to decide how it's used. It might need to be trapped or hit or teased or tied up. My body has holes, it's obvious what they're for.
It's obvious why our nervous system has pain recptors. Tell me why my nervous system has pain receptors. Make use of them, make use of me. Give me what i don't want and take away what i do. I'm very good at suffering. I want the chance to prove it.
I'm barely a person. I'm smart, capable and high functioning but fundamentally submissive.
