There are lots of risks in this lifestyle, and meeting someone and trusting them to the level that a D/s relationship needs can be difficult. Born in Canada, I had time in and out of the lifestyle over the past 20 plus years. Finding myself single mid-40's I decided that it was time to be who I wanted to be and started looking around various BDSM sites.
What stunned me was the number of abusive messages that seem to be sent to as way of introduction. That along with numerous scams, I quickly became wary of any approach, and my own messages didn't seem to be getting the right responses.
I was set to quit the main site I'd been using, but gave it one more go. I messaged a new member, and it turned out it was the first site she'd joined. I didn't message her saying what I want to do to her, or degrade her. I said hello. I told her that I was experience as a Dom and as she was new to the lifestyle, I was happy to provide any guidance and advice.
We started chatting. We discovered that we had similar interests and eventually discussed meeting. She had been screwed over by ex's and I my situation was still fluid, so we were both wary. I took the risk I providing more personal details than perhaps wise, including a recent DBS check for work.
That seem to do the trick, as she also requires a DBS check for her work and that trust was reciprocated. We soon met, and discussed everything from limits, to needs, to our personal financial position and made the decision to move in together. We both are getting more from this relationship that either of us expected. We have a deep emotional and mental connection. She feels loved and protected, while indulging her kink. The only negative, is I struggle to edge her as I so love her cumming, and during sex she has never cum less than four times before me. Although she has to ask!
Overall it just goes to show that being polite and helpful can get you what you want. While nice guys do finish last, it is only because I need her to be satisfied.
Now we are looking to offer advice and guidance to others, and looking for another sub to add to our dynamic.
I will be writing further posts about how we play, toys, and general advice
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