So I am new at all this BDSM stuff......so new I haven't had a full fledged D/s relationship at all. I have always known I prefer to be submissive in the bedroom, in fact I have always been a people pleaser. I am a rule follower and have always felt a great deal of discomfort and irritation when I see rules are being broken (like someone texting on their phone while the plane takes off the runway).
My first "foray" into the world of being submissive was my first major relationship. We weren't a good match, he criticised my innocence and for being accommodating...at the same time he was completely in control and liked ordering me about. I remember watching the movie, "Secretary" and being very attracted to the James Spader character...and not finding the romance strange even though all my friends did. I left that relationship after ten years of on and off again strain.
Over the years I have continued dating and trying to find a forever relationship. I have had many fits and starts. When going out on dates with guys that looked great on paper, and my friends were enthusiastic about, but I would come home and say I just wasn't that into him. One time I even tried to override my emotions and have a relationship with one of them. I was extremely dissatisfied. I think he wanted the girl to be in charge, and that just isn't me. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when a guy messaged me on okcupid interested in chatting me up. We clicked.....and then he told me what he wanted. I was curious at the prospect of seeing where things went with him. We spoke for three weeks and he had me start doing research into D/s relationships and the lifestyle. It was a shock to realize that was me all along. It was an epiphany for sure!! While the relationship never got past texting and phone calls, I now realize why I was never attracted to certain men and why I had difficulty describing this to my friends.
Now I am embarking on this adventure to see where it takes me.
