This weekend, I celebrated my birthday. And no, I’m not telling you how young I am! For the second time in a row, I’ve missed out on celebrating it because of Ms Rona. Last year, it was technically just before the first lockdown, but for several reasons, we’d had to postpone the celebrations for a week and then we just didn’t get to because… you’ve guessed it, that was the week of the first lockdown, so the closest I’d actually come to celebrating was a couple of night’s before lockdown with a nice Thai takeout at my friend’s apartment. We watched Casualty and some 1989 episodes of Top of the Pops with copious amounts of booze. It was grand.
This weekend, I celebrated my birthday. And no, I’m not telling you how young I am! For the second time in a row, I’ve missed out on celebrating it because of Ms Rona. Last year, it was technically just before the first lockdown, but for several reasons, we’d had to postpone the celebrations for a week and then we just didn’t get to because… you’ve guessed it, that was the week of the first lockdown, so the closest I’d actually come to celebrating was a couple of night’s before lockdown with a nice Thai takeout at my friend’s apartment. We watched Casualty and some 1989 episodes of Top of the Pops with copious amounts of booze. It was grand.
Unfortunately, as soon as New Year was out of the way, we had a little outbreak on the island and had a three week lockdown where it was eliminated again. We were lucky. After that, we could go back to normal again. Or so we thought.
Only about three weeks after that, there began to be reports locally of a cluster of cases in the community, so some precautions were put in place, like a voluntary ‘stay at home’ suggestion that weekend, but just a couple of days later, it was announced that we were heading into another ‘circuit breaker’ lockdown set to last three weeks
I’m going to hold my hands up and admit that I didn’t handle this news well. I bypassed ‘sad’ and ‘lost’ completely and went straight to angry and spent a couple of days in this massive grump. I wasn’t ready for confinement again! And I’d also realised that my birthday landed in the middle of the lockdown. I was not happy. And I was so grumpy that if one more person told me I could have my birthday afterwards, I’d just have to kill them. No, I could have a night out afterwards, I couldn’t have my birthday, because that’s not how time works. Yes, I was being a little bit of a brat, but I’d just had enough. I retreated to my room and pretty much cut myself off for a day or so, partly because I didn’t want to be grumpy at anyone and partly because I just couldn’t face anything. I plodded along for a couple of days and realised that I was alternating between intensely numb and intensely miserable and was having moments where I was completely zoning out and spending chunks of time staring vacantly into space.
I had a moment of horror when I realised that this was what I felt like during the very worst days of my depression a few years ago and I was absolutely not prepared to go back there. Thankfully, I think it was realising this that helped. The realisation also terrified me a little. I started wondering what I’d do if I spiralled back into that. What would happen if it’s were under lockdown conditions and I couldn’t go anywhere or see anyone or get a hug? Suddenly, the feelings I had about another lockdown were combined with this sense of fear that I could be spiralling again and it became a little scary. But part of me decided to be stubborn and realised that this simply was not an option.
I think that moment of fear might have been the thing to pull me back, so I decided to get an early night, let myself have a lie in the next morning and vowed to have a leisurely day at home making some plans and deciding what I could focus on instead of wallowing in whatever the hell it was.
Thankfully, I woke up feeling a little better and for the first time in a little while, hadn’t set an alarm and let myself just wake up naturally. Everything was quiet, I’d taken a day off and it was actually quite nice. I could take a moment, wake up slowly and gather my thoughts. I went downstairs and made a cup of coffee, which today I didn’t have to rush, I didn’t have to be anywhere, it was nice. So, I went for a shower and took my time there too, as I’m normally hopping in the shower in a rush too in a hurry to get somewhere or do something, so this time I let myself enjoy it for a while. As it turns out, this was exactly what I needed. A moment to disconnect and relax a little. To let it all go and wash away. Shortly after, I had a little sit down and listed a few things I wanted to get done while I had nowhere to go.
I’d almost enjoyed last year’s long lockdown as I’d got so much done around the house. I’d had a big clear out of my room, the kitchen, the hall and a few other bits, bought some nice storage boxes and brought a little order to the house. Once Lockdown was over, we lamented that things weren’t as tidy as they had been during lockdown, but that’s because we’re all to busy living our lives and going about our business and things just sort of pile up. So, first thing was to have another little tidy of my room, as in a room so small, it tends to get messy really quickly.
So, I accepted that there was nothing I could do about the situation, so there was no real point in stressing myself out about it. Instead, I’d just do the things at home that I’m normally too busy to do. Chief among them is tackling the spare room, which has been an almighty pain in the ass for literally years now. It’s so full of stuff, it’s ridiculous. It’s also where all my drag has to be stored, wherever there’s a bit of space, which there really isn’t. So, that’s the project this time. I’m actually quite excited, as it’s going to make life easier when it’s all done, so I’ve thrown myself into that and I’m being brutal with what I don’t need. If it’s not been used in two years, then I don’t need it. Simple. Unless it’s something of great sentimental value.
In my breaks, I’ve been doing some songwriting and some future planning. It’s looking like the lockdown will be extended, so I might as well skip planning the April Rainbow Night and head straight to planning the May one (fingers crossed). There’s some exciting movement with my music and my studio friend is having a look at doing some of the music during this time so we’re almost ready to record when we get our freedom back, so that’s some progress to be happy about.
Then came my birthday. I wasn’t planning much except a nice lazy day. Woke up, changed bedlinen to nice, clean, fluffy stuff and had a chill out day watching telly and playing some games. It was actually really nice! The other thing that took up a lot of the day was going through all the birthday messages I got, where I really wanted to reply to each one properly, so I did! That was good, as it gave a perfect chance to touch base and have a catch up with lots of people, where normally we’re all too busy to do that, so I was really happy with all the contact with people, even if it was at a distance.
I decided to go through a single box from the spare room and, early in the evening, the doorbell went and my mum answered the door. And I heard someone ask for Vida. Shocked, I came downstairs and it was a surprise socially distant delivery that I wasn’t expecting! It was a bag of freshly made cocktails in sealed, single serve pouches from a local cocktail bar who have been doing deliveries during lockdown! I was delighted!
I opened the bag up and there were about eight fresh, boozy cocktails, all labelled with amazing names and their ingredients – ‘Let’s have a kiwi, motherfucker’ was a rather good one and the ‘Glasgow Kiss’ blending gin, lime and Buckfast with a few other things was absolutely gorgeous! I had no idea who was responsible for this, so I called my best friend to tell him and he said “Oh, it’s arrived then!”
It turns out, my closest friends, we all talk every day in our group message and have hung out together for years, had all chipped in and arranged it. One of them had phoned the bar to put the order in and when she mentioned that it was for me, they got really excited as I’ve performed there a couple of times, so they put in a load of extras!
There was an extra cocktail, some bracelets, a seriously camp turquoise glitter bum bag and a giant pouch of their popcorn rum, which the owner knows is my absolute favourite! They’d even put in a birthday card from the bar too! It completely made my day and was one of the nicest surprises ever!
There was also a nice little mystery for the day where we’d found a birthday card put through the door which we discovered when we went to grab the cocktail delivery. The problem is, I can’t read the name on it so have no idea who it’s from! We’ve tried to work it out, I’ve sent a picture of it to dad, to the gang, checked with anyone I think it could be, but none of us have any idea who it could be! Still, whoever it is, I’m grateful.
So, it’s actually been a really nice birthday considering the situation! I’m feeling pretty on top of the world, well rested, with a renewed sense of purpose and determined to not gain lockdown weight like I did during the last one. Even if I did have a lovely Thai takeaway again and a fabulous chocolate gateau that we picked at for two days. Life in lockdown isn’t half bad! We just have to hang on in there when we’re feeling a bit crappy and remind ourselves that all isn’t lost, we can still communicate, we can take time for ourselves to look after ourselves and that this will all pass and one day soon, we’ll be able to hug each other again. And when that time comes, we’ll be relaxed, rested and chilled out – any maybe with tidy, organised houses too!
So, How are you guys all doing? I hope you’re finding things to smile about and taking care of yourselves. What are your go-to things to occupy the time while we’re stuck in? Any secret tricks for beating the blues? Just remember, you’re not alone in this and you’re loved. And until next time, stay safe, stay sane and stay… Vidalicious!
