We all know the dating scene, both online and offline, can be brutal and tough. The more connected we are, the less connected we seem to be as individuals sometimes and the sheer amount of reach our dating pool gives us the illusion of almost seems to make people value each individual less. Yes, I know that sounds like a sweeping statement, but think about it. When someone’s not in front of you, it can be easy to forget they have feelings. We’ve all heard of ‘keyboard warriors’ who’ll say all sorts online that they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face and hey, once you’ve chewed one potential suitor up online, there’s always a dozen more to take their place, right? Wrong. Call me old fashioned, but I still believe it’s nice to be nice. So, online or offline, what are the biggest things people do that annoys the other person when arranging, attending or after a hookup. They’re definitely worth thinking about.
1: Not turn up
So, we’ve all been here at least once, I’m sure. You meet someone nice online or even in the real world and arrange to meet. You spend the time getting all excited and preparing yourself for the first date or hookup or whatever, getting all dressed up, choosing where to go, planning what you’re going to do – you know, the exquisite panic of anticipating a first meeting with someone…. Only for them to not turn up. Yeah, sometimes there’s a legitimate excuse. We all know life happens and sometimes it can get in the way of our best laid plans, but let’s be honest – we all have a mobile now, usually a smartphone that can connect to whatever platform we were in touch with our date on – if you’re going to be late or even not turn up, be a grown up and just let them know. It’s not a huge ask. And if you’ve changed your mind and aren’t feeling it anymore, they’ll appreciate it much more in the long run if you’re honest and say so.
2: Poor Hygiene
Now in my world, I wouldn’t dream of going on a date or a hookup without a good shower and a good bit of personal grooming. It could just be me, but…. Oh no, wait, it’s not just me – It’s common decency. Make the effort. It’s not hard. No one wants to date someone with an odour problem and if they can chew their way through the experience, they might be terrified about what’s lurking under the clothes. No one likes a dick that could pass for aged Brie or flaps that smell like they could stun a horse. Wash your damn self!
While we’re on that, clean your teeth, wash your hair, take care of yourself. I’ll accept that some people are into stink as a fetish, but trust me, they’d have told you in advance if that was what they wanted. Plus, looking, feeling and smelling your best is going to make you feel so much better and increase your confidence.
Now, all this makes so much sense when you’re looking at a date, but it you’re going for a shag, it’s essential that you clean every nook and cranny. Really. Like, I cannot overstate this. We all know the human body has some gross things, but if you’re about to be getting up close and personal with someone, you’d generally like to not have those brought to your attention during the act.
3: Overly demanding
We all know a first meeting should be as relaxed and easy as possible. This is a two-way thing that requires effort on both sides. We all get nervous, especially the first time, so now’s not the time to be piling on the pressure. If you’re meeting for a hookup, don’t try and get all of your kinks and interests into the first meeting. Don’t demand they bring all the ‘accompaniments’ or ‘props’ – the effort has to come from both sides.
Also, don’t be too pushy. We’re all a little nervous online, so you’ve got to go at the other person’s pace. If you’re really interested, you’ll be patient. Also, the same goes for constantly bombarding someone with messages if they haven’t replied, or even if they’ve already said they’re not interested. Let it go. Don’t keep messaging. Move on. Also, try opening with an actual greeting rather than a genital picture or proposition. Last I checked, people still wanted to be treated like humans instead of talking fleshlights.
Also, don’t be too pushy in the bedroom either – it really kills the mood. Suggesting something is one thing, but if it’s not up their alley, so to speak, then let it go. Don’t keep pushing for it. I’ve had this during hookups where someone wants to do something that you’re either not up for or just don’t fancy at that moment, but they kept trying and trying and pushing and persuading and that was it – the moment was over. People are allowed to say no to something. Don’t be that guy. And if they say not to something, don’t be all entitled about it.
Which brings me to the next point…
4: Rude
We’re all in this together, aren’t we? There’s absolutely no reason to be rude. It can happen when people get impatient or if the conversation takes a turn they don’t like, or just because they’re not that nice a person, but don’t be that person. Don’t be mean or personal or rude if things aren’t going your way. Never forget, you’re dealing with another human being, who has a life and feelings of their own. Some people forget this sometimes.
The other one is the amount of profiles I’ve seen on various apps and dating sites that state something like “No Blacks, no fats, no fems” – It’s one thing having a type, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it. Emblazoning something like that on your profile is just rude, discriminatory and hurtful to some people. I’m not saying you can’t have a type, but maybe leave things like racism, body shaming and internalised homophobia off your profile if you want to look like a decent person. No one’s saying you have to fuck people you don’t fancy, but being rude isn’t the way to be. Think about it.
5: Ghosting
So, this one takes many forms, but all of them are hurtful and therefore harmful. It could be as simple as before you’ve even got to the meeting stage and are still communicating online and they suddenly stop replying once you’ve sent a picture – This happens a lot more than you think. In fact, I’ve had it happen to me a few times and it leaves you feeling dreadful. Even not replying to a reasonable and polite message could be considered ghosting. Yes, I know there’s such a thing as spam and bots these days, but you can generally tell the difference if you’ve got half a brain. Remember, what I said about it being easy to ignore people’s feelings when they’re at the other end of an internet connection? Yeah, not as easy for the other person to ignore their feelings. Again, no one’s saying you have to hook up with people you aren’t into, but remember that taking the plunge and sending an opening message can actually be quite daunting and take a little courage for some people, so do the decent thing if you’re not interested and just send them a little reply, maybe thank them for their message and wish them luck. No-one’s too busy to have manners. Besides, just because you might not want to jump their bones doesn’t mean you can’t get along. No-one’s so rich they can throw away a friend!
Even worse is when you’ve actually met the person and either been on a date or a booty call and suddenly they drop off the face of the earth. Rest assured, this isn’t about you, as much as it might. Feel like it. It’s more a sign of poor emotional maturity or some other issue. Bottom line: If you’ve been in someone or if they’ve been in you or you’ve spent personal time together, they can at least muster a gentle let-down. It’s just a question of basic decency.
So, what annoy’s you on a first date or a hookup? Have you I been guilty of any of these things? Let us know in the comments! Of course, hookups aren’t a thing right now, but hey, with hope of a vaccine on the horizon, we can start looking forward to getting back to normal. Maybe now’s time to brush up on some etiquette.
Take care out there and stay… Vidalicious!
