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Passionate Love: What is the “spark” and how can we keep it alive?FANTASY BOND, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPSBy Carolyn JoyceLove is friendship set on fire. ~ Jeremy TaylorMany of us say we’d like to be in love, but have we ever stopped to think what kind of love we’re imagining? Over the years, scientists have made efforts to classify different types of love. Recently, researcher Dr. Barbara Acevedo discovered some good news about one type in particular. “Romantic love,” the kind that is characterized by “intensity, engagement and sexual interest” can last a lifetime. Neuroscientists have even discovered that the brains of couples who experience this kind of love can keep firing for each other the same way they did when they first met even 20 or so years later. Romantic love is associated with marital satisfaction, well-being, high self-esteem and relationship longevity. And though it sounds like it has all the ideal qualities we associate with the thrill of falling in love, there is another category known as “passionate love” or “obsessive love” that many of us experience in the early stages of a sparkly union, but that may be a bit less conducive to lasting romance.“Passionate love” has many of the same positive features as romantic love, however it also includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. According to scientists Elaine Hatfield and Richard Rapson, passionate love describes “a state of intense longing for union with another.” Yet, as Acevedo points out, it also includes “an obsessive element, characterized by intrusive thinking, uncertainty, and mood swings.’” Long story short, this type of love can work well in the beginning of relationships, but can be hurtful in the long run.Admittedly, it may not be that easy to label the kind of love we’re experiencing when we first fall for someone. That initial passion and excitement we have for another person is precious and often worthy of our willingness to go all in. It may seem arbitrary or unromantic to try to scientifically label or examine something as personal and abstract as love. However, seen as love is at the root of so many of our greatest joys and most crushing heartbreaks, understanding it from a psychological perspective could mean the difference between experiencing it long-term or sabotaging it over and over again. So, while the question of what kind of love am I in may present a challenge, exploring this subject may help us answer the more important question of how can I best maintain my feelings of love and passion over time.So, what is passionate love?Many years ago Ellen Berscheid and Elaine Walster suggested that there are two types of love, one that is based more on passion and another that is more about companionship. Over the years, it came to be accepted that passionate love would usually either erupt and fizzle out like a firework or quietly merge into a less fiery, more friendship-like form. This helped explain why couples move on from the honeymoon phase to more of a camaraderie. Along with her colleague Arthur Aron, Acevedo described how the latter form, known as companionate love, though marked by commitment, intimacy, and a sharing of interests tends to be less intense and can lack elements of sexual desire and attraction. Perhaps as a result, this type of love tends to be only moderately satisfying for individuals in relationships. However, the aforementioned third type of love, romantic love, seems to combine many key elements of passionate love but has the added benefit of keeping both partners happy and in love long-term

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