Late last week, a straight male friend asked me if he could discuss something with me (I was sort of hoping it was a marriage proposal, as he’s rather lovely and I have a soft spot for him) and of course, I’m always open for a good chat, so then followed about an hour on the phone.
Apparently, he wants to try some anal play for the first time and came to me as some sort of authority on the subject. Not because he wants me to physically help him (unfortunately) but just wants advice from someone he trusts who knows more than him. This is fine. Though I really had to think about where to start. It’s been a little while since my first time, but if things keep going the way they have, I’ll be able to declare myself a virgin again before my next birthday!
So, for us gays, butt play has long been on the menu, but for our straight counterparts it’s surrounded by the stigma that, for some crazy reason, if you like anything going near your bum hole, this somehow makes you gay. Let’s squash that idea right now. ‘Gay’ isn’t all about the butt thing. If you want to have fun with a part of your own body, then go for it! The male G-Spot is up there, so feel free to enjoy this little pleasure centre and stop judging yourself! Pleasure is pleasure and there’s no point in denying yourself.
So, once you’ve plucked up the courage to give it a go, you’re going to want to know the basics. The first thing I’d suggest is just taking it slow. Don’t rush it. Start with something small and readily available – like your own finger – and just tease at first. You don’t even have to go in the first time. It’s not all about the penetration – a lot of people forget that the hole itself has plenty of nerve endings and can be fun to stimulate too. Every voyage of discovery is worth taking slow.
On the subject of taking things slow, I’d generally advise setting the scene, making sure you have some time to yourself where you can really get into the moment and not be disturbed. Make yourself comfortable. Lie back on your bed and relax. My buddy talked about trying it in the shower, but I told him that as a person who’s not a fan of shower sex, half your energy goes into not slipping and falling and it all just ends up being a little awkward. This is why I suggest making yourself comfortable and going fo the nice, cushioned bed or chair option. You want to be able to focus on the moment and the nice new feelings.
Obviously, the bum is known for another biological function, so naturally some folk are worries about a little mess. Don’t be prissy about it, nature is nature and it all goes with the territory. There are things you can do to ensure there won’t be mess, such as douching, and cleaning, so look into that too. While we’re on the subject of the other thing the bum does, the first couple of times you play back there, it’s probably going to feel ever so slightly odd – this is because the only frame of reference you have for feelings back there is that thing. Don’t worry, you’ll get over this after the first couple of times. It’s just about exploring. Gently.
Then, there’s lube to consider. There are many on the market and they’re all great for different things. If you’re going to be exploring toys or using condoms, then a water based lube is what you’re going to want, as others can damage toys or condoms. Don’t skimp on lube – the wetter the better! More slide and more glide is just going to make everything better.
Finally, toys! There are so many different options when it comes to toys. They come in every colour, shape and size that you can imagine – and you’re not restricted to just one or two either, you can have as many as you want. Seriously, you should see my goodie drawer. Small vibrators are a good place to start, the vibrations will feel nice on the outside and when you’re ready, you can go for the inside. There’s also nice, small sets of anal beads that start off pleasantly small so you can work up gradually. When my friend did have a go, he’d bought a small bullet vibrator, but, as expected, he spent most of the time just concerned about it getting lost. You don’t want that. I could tell you a couple of stories from experience, but I won’t. So, long and thin is the way to go. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t have to take anything too impressive straight away. Further along, you’ve got bigger dildos, butt plugs and prostate massagers and, one of my favourite new additions, a rimming plug – rotating beads around the narrow part of the shaft that your sphincter clamps around, giving a really fun sensation there while the plug stimulates deeper inside. You’ll want to explore all the options out there – there are many!
So, they’re the basics you should know before you start – I’m actually a bit jealous of all of you who get to discover all this anew! Trust me, it gets really fun! So remember, slow and steady, be comfortable, use lube, try toys and don’t get hung up on labels or what enjoying it maya or may not mean in someone else’s head – it’s your body, have fun with it!
Finally, a piece of advice a friend gave me that she’s always remembered and actually makes a lot of sense, especially for those in the ‘anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough’ camp – “Don’t put anything in your ass that you wouldn’t put in your mouth” – it goes for objects and substances too, and it’s pretty good advice.
So, happy exploring – and trust me, it WILL be happy.
