Why do women suffer when men come out

I'm 37 guys, and I'm really doing this. This past year has definitely been the hardest of my life. My husband and I finally split for good. It's been a few months coming. It's been longer if you ask me. I never would've expected things to turn out like they did. I am by no means ugly, and I've never had complaints in the bedroom. My husband is either a evil monster, or he's suffering within himself. Why do women have to suffer when a guy comes out or is trying to figure his self out. I know from being bi, it was very difficult to let certain people know. I understand the challenge. I tried so hard to be supportive the last few months, but things got too far out of hand. He was a right. I lost respect for him. At one point in time, I would say my husband was my best friend. I am grieving that man right now. The hardest part is not knowing if that man even existed. Is he this great manipulator, or did he just change? He had to have known right? It started months back. I knew something was wrong when he stopped sleeping with me. He said he had the same problem with his ex, and he blamed it on drug use. I know 100% when my husband was in love with me because I could see it in his eyes. Now this makes the situation really fucked up because I am a good woman, and honestly he's trash. I still stuck by him and felt like he deserved someone in his corner. I dont know why I gravitated towards him. Maybe it was because he looked like he genuinely cared for me. When we met he was this skinny, and I mean skin in bones. He was squatting down looking lost. He was begging a dealer for drugs, and he was even trying to trade his shoes for drugs. I remember feeling so sad for him. My husband always said that I saved his life. He said he would either be in jail or dead if not for me. In all the years together, his period of being "in love" with me lasted a couple months. I could see it in his eyes. I could hear it in his voice. I just knew. It brought me so much happiness. The bullshit really started from day one. I should've known he liked big bitches. His first wife was a beach whale. He lied so much about his past. I have no clue what was true. I should've known something when I found someone had used his phone to go on BBW. At least that's what he claimed. His phone was hacked was another excuse. I let it go. I didnt look again until years later when he changed. He fell in love with me because I stuck by him after he went to jail for beating me up. Now this may be stupid to some, but I really thought in my mind that I was fucked up. A part of me related to him being fucked up. I thought that we could be fucked up together. And we would have each others back. We did start out bestfriends (or so I believed). Then he changed. He would leave early and come back after dark. He wouldn't answer his phone. He just started acting completely different. He was always gone, when he usually stayed up my ass. He was back on drugs, and I started investigating. I would track him, and he literally would give no explanation for multiple places I showed him he was. One day I find a email. The name on it is what we wanted to name our daughter if we would've had one. I got so upset. I was devastated (so I thought). I (looking back) remember the first time I put a toy up his ass. He took the whole thing and liked it. Boy am I dumb, so i was upset. He tells me look it's not what you think, and I'm sorry. He sent nudes to someone on craiglist, and I could only think of diseases. My none judging self took a prostitute under my wing. Well he disappeared with her one day claiming the truck was fucking up while he took all day to bring her home. Ok I'm not that dumb. I knew deep down he had an affair. That was recently confirmed. He was even at work bragging about it. He even claimed I had sex with her boyfriend while he drove me to the store. I guess that cleared his conscience. I guess it made him feel better about what he did. Well now I find all this stuff in his phone. To make it better, he was sending it to guys. Now if he would've taken the time to get to know me, he wouldve known that would've been down to do this with him. He always sneaked and watched porn. He sneaked on web cams. He never gave me a chance. I wish I wouldve really known him as well as I thought I did because he cheated in every single relationship in his life. Why would I be any different, I was so dumb. Now I'm in competition for a man who wont sleep with me with both women and men. What in the fuck. So we end up moving back to our home state. I regret that so much. He gets caught again. Then one night he jumps in the bed next to me wearing women's clothes. Ok, so this now. I act like my normal self. I try my best to be supportive. I put makeup on him. We order him some boobs and stuff online. I explain to him that he has to be safe, and that this was serious. I started fearing the worst. Was some bad man on craigslist going to kill my sweet (at the time he was) bicurious husband as like a hate crime. I just wanted to protect him. I told him my experiences with being by, and I didnt want him to be ashamed. I told him to embrace it, but dont let it ruin my our marriage. Then it became his full blown obsession, and my husband that I adored was gone. He became abusive all the time. and not just because of intoxication. He was cruel. The things he told me were so cruel. He spit on me and threw drinks on me. He started doing his own thing again. Well I decided to bring him back home. He was bad on drugs and out of his mind. He ends up leaving me for a month. We meet up to try and get back together. He tells me that he wants me to know everything. He apparently had so many fucking profiles to multiple sex sites, on craigslist again sending messages and pics begging men to fuck him, emails with pics between him and females, and multiple pics of him in my clothes. He took my clothes. He was posing on the beach the day after he left. He was planning on leaving town to go by his best friend. They talked about him hooking up with females there. They both cheat. I was crushed. So devastated. I felt so unbelievably hurt and sad. I cant put it into words. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I have seen craigslist post of missing connections. I saw on his phone where he looked at missed connections too. I put these pieces together. I've seen his blogs. If hes telling the truth, he has been struggling with this his whole life. He's known since he was a kid, and he has had encounters with men. He came back a stranger. He let it consume him. I would see he looked at craiglist in his phone, and he would say no eventhough it was on his screen time. He would blame it on me. I begged for honesty, and I got abuse. Physical and mental abuse were the last things I got from him. So many other things happened in the last couple of months, but I think I painted a good enough picture. I just wanted my husband, but he was gone. He laid next to me in women's clothes while I cried my gorgeous eyes out. He told me to have my tears for the next man. He left me. He was shopping in a women's department store the next day. Hes acting cruel just like he did when he left for that month. He calls me the most horrific things. Just be careful guys. I was so easy, and I still got my heart broke. I have my fantasies that I couldn't even explore or enjoy with him because he was so selfish. He took a beautiful women and told her she has no sex appeal as compared to his ex. This women killed their child. That's how bad the mental abuse is. There is something internally wrong with him. I will love the man I married. I can think this and that, but I will never have answers. When you come out people, protect the hearts of those that love you. Just because you are confused, doesn't give you the right to hurt your loved ones. Be good out there guys. We can have fun. Just make it safe 🙂 cupcake

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