Shoes, Glorious Shoes!

If you’re doing drag or if you’re cross-dressing, transitioning or just want to look better in women’s clothes, at some point you’re going to be wanting some killer heels!

The question is, what kind are best for you? How do they feel? What style should I get? If you’re not familiar with buying and wearing heels, then you’ve probably got some questions, so here I am to bust those for you! It seems like a rather good time to be doing that, as I’m in the process of ordering some new ones right now after having to get some help the other week after my heel went through the floor at a venue and I ended up stuck! Those poor naked butlers had to help me. Such gentlemen.

Anyway, what shoe is the shoe for you? Ooooo, I felt like a fairy godmother asking that, but really, what do you want it for? What are you wearing it with? What are you going to be doing? I hold my hands up right now and admit that I own shamefully few shoes. Boy me is a terrible homosexual who only owns a couple of pairs of black shoes, a pair of tactical boots for emergencies and expeditions and a couple of pairs of comfy trainers for casual dress. I’m appalled at how little I own. The problem is, shopping’s not great here and I like to try on shoes, so ordering is often out for me. There can be huge variations in sizes between brands, so I think I just got used to not buying many. I’m aiming to remedy this when I can get to some decent show shops. I’ve promised myself some ridiculously spangly cowboy boots for nights out someday. That’s going to be a special shopping trip.

Lady me isn’t much better. Sorry, calling myself a ‘lady’, like I’m fancy and classy, pull the other one! When I started my drag career, I picked some heels off a website that sells them in my size and I opted for a plain black, because black goes with everything. That’s a generally good rule when investing in your first pair, though you’ll probably want to learn the value of a nude shoe too, as these can make your legs look even longer. The problem is, I stuck with black shoes. I’ve ordered the same pair four times in a row now, because they’re comfortable, they fit and they’re fine. This is OK, but dammit, I need more shoes! I still stuck with black when I decided to order some thigh-high boots. The other problem is that most retailers tend to get a bit boring when you get above a size nine (in UK sizes). Your choices are often black, white or red or just black. Sometimes nude, rarely anything fancy, but hopefully that could be changing as some places are now doing custom designs based on existing larger soles, if you’ve got the cash. I’ve seen a particular pair of these in a metallic rainbow court shoe that I clearly need, so will be grabbing these post-haste!

The point of a heel is to change the posture and make your legs look longer, make your rear look more perky and generally feminise the figure. You don’t have to be wearing super high heels for this to work, as just a couple of inches can do the trick, unlike with some other things in life! One trick that can make an enormous difference is if there’s a little platform on the front of the shoe, sometimes this platform is slightly hidden, but they can make the heels look way more impressive. Basically, if you take the measurement of the platform off the measurement of the heel, that’s the true height of the heel and the angle your foot will be bent at won’t be as sharp – therefore you’ll be a little more comfortable. For example, I’ve got a pair of red glitter heels that are stunning to look at, but they’re just a little higher than I’d normally wear and the angle of the foot is more severe, so I get a little pain up the sides of my calf, not to mention in the ball of my foot, so I can only wear them for very short periods at a time, like one or two songs, so I just stopped bothering with them. I braved it a few times, but now I can’t even get them on, as I had to put a get pad in them and now they’re too small.

That’s another thing – gel pads for the ball of the foot are an absolute godsend. Trust me. A lot more of your weight is going to be on the ball of your foot than what you’re used to, so it’s going to hurt a little more. You’ll eat used to it, but don’t be afraid to pop some gel cushions in to take some of the strain. I always tend to buy heels half a size smaller if I can, as there’s less of a chance of one flying off when I’m moving about. They may be slightly tight when you first put them on, but they will stretch, especially when you’ve been wearing them a good while.

To combat the shoes falling off, I’m actually investing in some with straps to fasten them and with a smaller heel, as my gigs and performances have evolved a bit to include more choreography, especially when I’m working with the Burlesque girls. Another thing I’ve learned, and I don’t know if it’s because there’s so much of me to lug about, but when you’re in heels, you’ll use a lot more energy moving around than you would have in flat shoes. I remember the first show I did with the Burlesque girls and we’d been rehearsing in trainers for months, then a couple o months before the show, I brought my heels to see if I could do the steps in those. What had been mostly easy routines in flats had me absolutely exhausted in heels, so that’s something to bear in mind.

Then there’s the walking, the stairs, the general movement. You do not want an event or any kind of outing to be your first time in heels, so even if you’ve worn some before, wear a new pair around the house to get a feel for them first. Honestly, you’ll thank me.

I tend to opt for stiletto heels usually, as they look the most glam, but you can get some with a slightly chunkier heel, which you’ll probably find a little easier to balance in. If you want even more stability, a wedge heel might be for you. There’s so many different types and styles to check out, so shop around and see what’s right for you. Generally, the higher the glam, the more difficult they are to wear, but you’ll get used to it.

Then there’s the walk. No one wants to look like Bambi on ice walking tentatively and awkwardly or worse, like you’ve just had rough sex with King Kong and forgotten the lube. Walking in heels should be glamorous, sexy and appear effortless. This, again, is where practice comes in. You certainly don’t want to look stiff and like you’re walking on treacherous, uneven ground, so loosen up. Find your balance, straighten your core and sway those hips while you do it. Watch people walking in heels and pay close attention to what parts of their bodies are moving and what parts aren’t. Strangely, I find that my back always feels much better after a night in heels, even if my feet don’t. It’s like everything’s been clicked back into place and it’s lovely. Use your hallway like a runway – sashay up and down, practice your turns, practice of different types of flooring so you don’t get caught out – and don’t forget to practice stairs too! Sometimes, slightly diagonally can be easiest, just don’t tumble down the stairs like I did in my early days! In fact, if you’re struggling, don’t be afraid to ask! You’re bound to have friends who walk in heels, so maybe ask for some pointers or, if you can, one to be there when you try them on!

So, off I go to buy myself some new shoes! Now that I’ve managed to put some money aside, I can fix this ‘not owning enough shoes’ dilemma that so many of us face! As I said, I’ve got my eye on some metallic rainbow court shoes and some sequin thigh boots. Maybe some dance shoes too! This could be fun! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to give my credit card some exercise.

Til next time, stay safe, stay sane and stay…. Vidalicious!

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