Learning Becomes Being

She had surprised me by answering at all. Warm and friendly, but she redirected every discussion toward me. What had I done? What did I like about that? Had I been frightened? Were there any things I simply would not do? Every question I had for her had similar answers.“In public life, I generally have to be accommodating, and limit my selfishness. With a submissive, I do whatever I want. I find claims of having no limits boring, as well as dishonest. You never did that, and that’s why you are still here. “I have no limits.” just means “I have no imagination.” My submissives are valuable to me. Like everything else I have, I do not damage them. For instance, permanent markings have be esthetically enhancing, not scars from misuse. Prior emotional trauma has to be considered, to avoid creating barriers to total compliance.”I had never really noticed she had not once told me what she would do. Nor even specifically said what she would not do, or accept. She spoke of corporal punishment as something which must have real, and present importance based on actual expectations. Telling me that fear of punishment was critical, but mostly because of her displeasure, not the ephemeral pain. Changing behavior would eliminate her displeasure. How much she enjoyed inflicting pain was not in the prevue of a submissive’s judgement.The long conversation always came down to one point, did I want to be a submissive to get her to do things to me? Her opinion on that was a contempt that never needed explicit statement. Submissives must learn to obey, punishment should be expected to accomplish that. Her one frank admission of personal tastes in submissive training was to laughingly say, “Watching a submissive realize I will deliberately humiliate him in front of someone is funny, and it really does make the humiliation more intense.Her last emails had been terse. Her instructions minimal, but complete. “I enjoyed your description of how much you want to be my submissive, and it is good to know your history, but actual submissives have to give up their history, along with everything else. This is the final question, and it does require an answer. The answer is yes. You will type that one word, and your internet submissivery will end. I typed the word Yes. Hit enter.She listed a set of instruction on how and when to get to the bus station nearest her home.“If you want to become my submissive, bring nothing with you. No wallet, no money, only enough clothing to avoid being arrested. Since the first meeting is a trial, you may buy a bus ticket home, and keep it in your pocket. I will put the clothes in a bin. Don’t miss the bus.”I was trembling and crying and almost hysterical when I saw her the following day. The fear did not go away but the hysteria flashed over into excited expectation becoming real.“I know you’re going to struggle a bit. The best ones always buck before they get broken in. How long this takes is mostly going to depend on whether you are willing to give up everything to get each new thing.”I started to say, “Yes, Mistress.” Her hand flashed across my face before the words even came out.“Do not answer me. You do not speak, unless I tell you specifically to speak. The idea that you would be permitted to acknowledge my orders is absurd. Your obedience is a condition of your submission. The only things you will need to say are the words I tell you to say.”She stood looking at me. I lowered my gaze to her feet.Now, say these words. Not reflexively, but sincerely, and look at my face as you say them, “I want to be your submissive.”

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