Lockdown Lovemaking ;)

Lockdown Lovemaking

Lockdowns have quickly become the new normal across the globe. Equally, online hookups - a spot of digital delight – or, bluntly, plain old webcam sex, or whatever you’d like to call it have become more and more a part of people’s sexual lives. Obviously, you don’t need me to tell you it’s a poor substitute for the real thing, but needs must. So, let’s try and make the best experience we can!

Now, since their invention webcams have been used for a little naughtiness. Probably more so than for their intended use. Hang on, what was their real intended use, actually? I just like to check, as before people were using them for virtual meetings and online concerts and stuff during the pandemic, the only times I’ve actually heard of people using their webcams was for what we’re talking about here. I think I’ve actually used a cam twice in my life for an actual chat.

It’s really strange how much I hate video chats actually, as being a Trekkie and growing up watching people talking on view screens, you’d think I’d be really excited at the idea, but I just find it awkward and annoying. Captain Janeway never had to worry about finding a flattering angle. Kirk never had to faff about with controls or finding somewhere to put his device (I feel there should be a pun there). Nor would Picard ever be seen shouting “No, you need to unmute yourself! Click the button…” (Bonus points if you read that in Sir Patrick’s fabulous, booming deep voice!). It’s all just a lot of hassle, isn’t it?

For a start, there doesn’t seem to be such a thing as a flattering angle. They say the camera adds ten pounds, but I’ve got enough to worry about without it adding what must be the equivalent of a lottery win’s worth, thank you very much. 
 
Then you’ve got to make sure your device is sitting somewhere stable, then you’ve got lighting and background and…. Right, I’m, here at home so I don’t have to look at people, wear sweatpants to work and drink leftover wine from a coffee mug while on the clock. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing? I’m kidding, of course. I actually have no idea what ‘leftover wine’ is.

But, what we’re here to discuss is not its work applications, but it being a tool for a more exciting and more personal encounter. So, whether you’re a dab hand at cam fun or you’re new to the whole the idea of some ‘interpersonal adventures’ on camera, here’s a few things to think about…

Setting the scene

Right, let’s be frank. Nobody’s interested in seeing that pile of laundry that’s been waiting to get done for god knows how long, or pictures of your family in the background, or a generally dusty or untidy room. The focus here should be you, so you should prepare your surroundings as if you’re having a real-life encounter, except the bonus is you’ll only need to actually sort out what’s visible on cam. The added bonus of doing a full spruce of your surroundings is that you’ll feel better, which is one more load off your mind while you’re trying to do whatever you’re trying to do. The less distractions there are, the better. Which follows onto my next tip…

Furry intruders.

For the love of all that is holy, please put your pets securely somewhere else. No one wants you to spoil the mood by having to shout at Margaret the over-curious feline or Phil the hound with a nervous bladder. Yes, we know they’re part of the family, but seriously… what family member do you actually want in the room while you’re having a good old fap with some digital company? No, don’t answer that question. Just don’t.

Treat Yourself

As suggested above, taking some time out and making your space a little nicer is good for you, so why not take it a step further? Treat it like a date or a night on the town and take some time getting ready. Maybe make it a full luxury affair with some scented candles and mood lighting. Get in the mood. If you’re relaxed and feel good, you’re going to feel much better and much more confident. Dig out your favourite underwear, have a nice relaxing bath, a good grooming ritual and most definitely……

Tend your garden

Some pubic topiary is probably in order. It’s likely not been high on anyone’s list of priorities lately, but it’s not just the hair on our heads that can grow wildly out of control, so treat yourself to a trim. No one’s saying you have to whip it all off, but maybe a bit of a landscape and neaten would improve the view.

What’s your angle?

Finding a good angle, much like with taking a photo, is crucial. If you’re lucky enough to have a webcam that’s not part of your computer but attaches with a cable, this is going to be so much easier for you. More likely though, you have one built into your device, which can make things a little trickier. Generally, you’re going to want to position the camera slightly above eye level, as it’s going to make you look better. If you’re using a tablet or phone, maybe opt for a stand and put it on top of a couple of books if you need to raise it a bit. Or, you can actually get a phone and tablet holder that’s like a flexible arm with a clamp that just clips onto the side of a desk or shelf – these are really handy and I actually use one of these pretty often for filming. Mine’s got two arms, one for my device and one with a little battery operated ring light on it to make sure my lighting’s good. It’s often worth having a little plan in advance with regard to angles and setup as it can really make a difference and can save some awkward non sexual fumbling at the start of your cam session. And talking of awkward…

Don’t be a knob

This one’s not even a Lockdown-specific thing, but something people online (and some in the real world) need to remember in general. We’re all here to have a good time, so it can be particularly jarring when someone is either pushy or rude, unless it’s part of a role-play scenario. It doesn’t make you cool, mysterious or sexy – quite the opposite. Also, exposing yourself online is pretty terrifying for a lot of people, so if you can make it a more pleasant experience for them, it’s probably going to be more pleasant for you too Remember: “Hi” is quite a nice, normal way to start a conversation, no also still means no and if someone declines you, that doesn’t make them a bad person. Let’s all just be a bit nicer and a bit more understanding, ok?

And finally…

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

You’re not at a formal event, you’re not brokering peace between warring factions, you’re getting intimate with someone through the internet. Relax!

Now, obviously, there’s a degree of safety consciousness that’s essential, but you probably know the drill by now. Take a deep breath and relax. It shouldn’t feel like work. You’re supposed to be having fun here. If you’re relaxed and chilled out, it’ll be easy for the person on the other end to be too.

Oh, and don’t forget to smile!

So, that’s my little list of how to make the most of virtual delights and lockdown lovemaking! I hope it’s been helpful for you! If you’ve got any essential tips of your own, why not share them in the comments…

Take care and see you soon!

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