This last weekend would have been Eurovision if it weren’t for the current pandemic situation. The decision was made fairly early on to cancel it for this year, which was absolutely the correct decision. I mean, just imagine large groups of people from countless countries all meeting in one place, an audience of thousands from all over, it would have been a disaster from a contagion point of view and that’s before getting into the disasters of some of the performances I’ve seen over the years! Yes Madonna, 2019, I’m looking at you!
Now, Eurovision has a reputation of being a bit of a marmite affair, some claim to love it, some claim to hate it – Though, I often doubt the veracity of those who claim to hate it as you can quite often catch them out when they know about certain things that happened during the show. I know people like this who end up claiming “it was just on in the background” or ‘I just happened to switch channels and saw”. Yeah whatever, Mary, we know you watched it and we know you love it too. That’s fine!
Some that I know describe it as the ‘Gay World Cup’ and there’s certainly no denying its inherent campness, from flamboyant costumes to catchy tunes, fabulous theatrics and an abundance of WTF- inducing novelty acts, what’s not to love? Who can ever forget the Ukrainian entry in 2007 featuring Verka Seduchka dressed as a disco ball with chrome pleather short-wearing dancers? My £200 phone bill from voting confirms that they were robbed, coming in second to Serbia. A travesty I have never forgotten. But it’s not all bad news for Verka, she’s definitely taken her place among the Eurovision legends, even returning last year when past competitors sang each other’s songs. I remember nearly exploding with excitement when she burst into Netta’s ‘Toy’ which had won the previous year.
Among the other modern legends is the rather dishy 2015 winner Måns Zelmerlöw, who has appeared several times since his victory and is one to watch as one of his favourite pastimes seems to be shedding his clothes, as he demonstrated the year after his win in his home of Sweden when he stripped off during the interval act as he and his co-host performed a fantastic number showing the brilliant comical side of the song contest itself.
Of course, our Swedish friends are no strangers to success at Eurovision. In fact, ask anyone what springs to mind when they think of Sweden and the answer is usually either Ikea or ABBA, who of course won Eurovision 1974 with Waterloo. Sweden have actually won six times and Eurovision is such a thing over there that their selection process consists of an entire festival called Melodifestivalen. They don’t hold the record for the most number of wins though, that honour goes to Ireland with seven wins. In fact, they once managed to win four times in five years!
So many famous faces have participated in Eurovision over the years from Lulu, Celine Dion, Bucks Fizz, ABBA (of course), Sonia, the list is just endless. Even Madonna in 2019, though not as a competitor, but that little incident is best forgotten about. Even Riverdance and it’s mastermind Michael Flatley shot to global fame thanks to Eurovision – Not as competitors, but as the 1994 interval act in Ireland. It seems you don’t actually have to compete to reap the benefits. Since its inception in 1956, it’s featured just about every type of music you can imagine. Sometimes the victor is a slow ballad, sometimes dance music, sometimes something quite show-tuney or even a novelty pop or comedy piece, but one of the most surprising was the 2006 winners Lordi, a heavy metal band from Finland who wore elaborate armoured costumes. Now, that was quite a spectacle!
I myself have been a fan for as long as I can remember. In fact, fourteen year old me was positively gagging when I watched the Jean-Paul Gaultier clad Dana International win in 1998, even if she did keep us waiting while she disappeared for a little while and had the entire stage panicking. Well, a gal’s gotta change! However, despite a long love of Eurovision, it’s been in my adult years that it’s become an unmissable part of the year for me. I remember Eurovision night when I was living in Gran Canaria and in the Yumbo Centre, effectively Europe’s biggest gay village, there’s an assortment of about sixty bars and restaurants run by people from all over Europe. There are German bars, Irish bars, British Bars, Bars of every kind! And, of course, that means different bars are supporting different countries, so you’ll hear ripples of cheering coming from all around the massive square at different times. I’ve spent Eurovision there twice now and it often coincides with their main Pride day, so you can imagine how incredible the atmosphere is. In fact, don’t imagine it, do it one day. Just remember to book a few days to recover afterwards.
I think I enjoy it even more when I’m at home though. My gang’s tradition is that we take turns to host, everyone is given a country and has to dress in something suitably representing that country and bring a food and beverage item from that country. It always ends up with vast amounts of food and drink and in fact one year I heard the host had to go and buy a small chest freezer the following day just to accommodate the leftovers, which she spent the next few weeks finishing. So, hosting our Eurovision party can actually save on your shopping bills apparently! Eurovision parties aren’t unique to us, lots of people have them. It’s because of Australia’s parties and their love of the event that they’re allowed to enter now. It’s HUGE there. In fact, they could totally win it if they just threw a Minogue at it and had speedo-clad Hemsworths gyrating around as backing dancers. This could just be my personal fantasy, but hey, you’re welcome to share it. And there’s no doubt it would be EPIC. Perhaps even a collection of quokkas could join them on stage for the cuteness vote (Gaggle? Herd? Pack? If anyone knows the collective noun for quokkas, let me know).
The one thing I insist on is, though many bars will have their own Eurovision party, I will NEVER work it. Many queens do, but for me, I want to soak it all in and enjoy it. And don’t ever ask me to miss the section where we have people dialling in to give us the scores after the interval – that might actually be my favourite bit! We’ve all had enough booze to have an out-bitching competition with Graham Norton, who of course was the perfect replacement for the late Terry Wogan as our commentator. Though I have heard that Michelle Visage and Ross Mathews have performed that task in the U.S. and I’d absolutely kill to hear that commentary!
This year is the first year since it it began in 1956 that it’s actually been cancelled. Cheers, Miss Rona. Still, there was actually no missing out this year as I have attended TWO online Eurovision parties! One, held live with a curated list of videos, VTs, interval act and actual voting (I was Azerbaijan) – It was fantastic! The voting was well and truly played for laughs, including my greeting referencing Swedish comedienne Sarah Dawn Finer’s “Azerb… Azerba …Baku” which everyone got. Just pour another drink and it was like everyone was actually in the same room! It was a brilliant night and a fab chance to see some faces other than those I share the house with during lockdown. All through Eurovision week itself, prep for the second Eurovision party was frantically underway with daily votes on a group of songs entered over the years by different countries, sort of like a Eurovision’s Greatest Hits. It strung out the week magnificently with the heats throughout the first half of the week, followed by semi’s on Thursday and Friday (though for me, semis were much more frequent, as I was just SO excited!). Finally, the final on the Saturday which resulted in Verka Seduchka’s ‘Dancing Lasha Tumbai’ once again coming in second. Only this time, I could live with it, as it lost to a surprise joke entry representing Ireland with Father Ted’s ‘My Lovely Horse’. Mark my words, Verka will have her day one day!
So, now that my Eurovision obsession has been reasonably satiated until next year, if you need me, I’ll be reviewing the rules again to see how I can possibly end up on that stage one day, pouring myself another drink and bopping to some Europop in a ball gown til the sun comes up! One likes to do what one can in these hard times.
And in the words of the great Terry Wogan: “It’s been a wonderful, wonderful night. I mean, not musically, of course, but in terms of spectacle…”
