12:47 pm Wednesday, 14th August, 2019
The world of online dating and hookups can be a wild place. You can find yourself hitting it off immediately with a sexy stranger thinking you have hit the jackpot, for it to take a turn and fizzle out in the blink of an eye.
Whereas some people can’t seem to even get a reply from the countless message they’ve sent but guess what?...you’re not alone.
Dating is about two people (or more depending on your playmate preferences), and that means it takes mutual effort to get things going and more importantly, keep things going.
Hopefully you’ve put your confident pants on and have already sent private messages to those you are interested in knowing better.
Now… When someone responds, what do you do? You keep the conversation going as long as possible. This doesn’t mean it has to be a 1-3 hour messaging marathon. You could certainly have a conversation back and forth over several days. The point is to keep things going.
How do you do that? Here are some tips:
Be Genuinely Interested
Be honestly interested in learning all about the other person. If you’re not, they will figure it out pretty quickly. This is about getting to know them as a human and a friend. If they turn out to be your kinky match made in horny heaven, then great - but that is not the goal as of this minute.
Ask Lots of Questions
Pretty much everyone loves talking about “numero uno” – so give your partner an opportunity to start gabbing away! Asking light, simple questions is a sure-fire way to keep a conversation going online. The more they answer, the more fuel you’ve got for the conversation. Even better, you’ve just won some major points by flattering their ego (even if it’s just a little).
React to Their Answers
This works 99% of the time. It’s a surefire technique, and it works especially well for beginners. People love to know that you’re interested in what they have to say, so if you show some interest, they’ll hang around and want to talk to you even more.
All of the “oh! That’s interesting…”, “I’ve never heard of that, tell me more”, “That’s really cool!” expressions are reactionary bits of conversation that prove to the other person that you’re really listening, and that’s very flattering to them.
Dig a Little Deeper.
When the other person responds to a question, and you’ve offered your reaction, next ask a follow-up question. Dig a little deeper–within reason, of course. Play it by ear and don’t push too hard, especially with sensitive subjects. If the other person avoids talking about something, take the hint. But if they mention their love for the outdoors a few times, it’s pretty obvious they are into outdoor fun...right? Joking aside, make a note of things they mention and steer conversations towards what they are most passionate about.
Be Honest About Yourself.
When you’re messaging almost anonymously, it can be easy to exaggerate or outright lie to make yourself look better. Don’t do it! One, because it will get awkward if you ever do meet up, and two, it’s human (and often endearing) to have flaws – embrace them, and your partner will too. If you’re not proud of your height, say, “I’m short, but what I lack in height, I make up for in overconfidence.” Make your flaws into a joke that you can both laugh about – they’ll be more likely to share theirs, so you don’t get any special surprises when you end up meeting.
Keep It Light.
Especially at the beginning, if the conversation gets too serious too fast, it’ll scare the other person off. If things are light and fun, then the other person can start to develop trust with you. Trust is essential to keeping the conversation going. It’s also important to keep it fun! Be humorous and playful. That will keep the other person coming back for more!
Get a Little Flirty.
Flirting is fun, but when you’re doing it online, you need to be slower about it than normal. Flirting too early in an online exchange can be a huge turn-off. Don’t immediately start talking about your huge list of places where you want to have sex or send them what you think are your best ‘nude’ pics. Keep it semi-tame in your pre-meet-up messages. Instead of asking them something dull such as “What did you eat for lunch?” give your questions a hint of spice. Ask “Why are you a cat person when everyone knows that dog people make better lovers?” Or poke fun at their answers in a flirty way (“Oh you love travelling?, I bet you love a good Sex On The Beach”). Make sure you don’t go overboard. Nothing kills a conversation early on like pushing boundaries waaaay too far (like being outright mean or vulgar).
Know When To Take It Off (line).
Even if you’re enjoying the online messages, don’t push your luck. Know when to take your virtual relationship offline before it fizzles out. After all, dating is about meeting up face-to-face, hearing their voice, drinking in their smell and feeling their touch. It’s best to meet up earlier rather than later – like before you know everything about each other, and you still both have an air of mystery about you. After all, you want your first date to feel like a first date, not a 10th wedding anniversary, right?
