11:21 am Monday, 19th February, 2018
Sharing your fantasies isn’t always as easy as, “Hey, I’m into XYZ. Want to do it with me?” Not all of us have that level of comfort, particularly in a new relationship. But if you want a successful hookup journey full of sexual adventure then you need to express your desires from the get-go.
This week we’re celebrating International Flirting Week and have 5 tips on how to feel more at ease divulging your fantasies and flirting with the idea of kinks with a new partner.
Get Comfortable with Those Fantasies First.
It’s really hard to ask someone to do something erotic if you don’t feel fully comfortable with what you’re asking for. Part of having a healthy adult sex life is taking the time to explore our desires and learn what turns us on, without judgment. Think through your fantasies on your own (perhaps while you’re masturbating), and try to get a sense of what lights your fire.
Don’t Overanalyze Your Fantasies.
The very word “fantasy” makes a lot of people nervous, so they wind up making their fantasies seem like a bigger deal than they really are. They’re simply a sexy daydream that turns you on. Sure, you can have a detailed dungeon torture fantasy, but you can also have a fantasy as simple as “I want to have sex with the lights on.” If something turns you on, it’s happening between consenting adults and no one’s at risk of being hurt (against their will), it’s fine.
Figure Out When to Ask.
Everyone has different relationships with their fantasies. For some people, they’re happy to keep them as purely intangible thoughts to call upon when they want to really want to turn up their horn to inferno temperatures whilst others can’t be sexually satisfied unless they make the dream physical and experience it in the flesh. Either way, give yourself time to get comfortable and familiar with each other before jumping straight into your kinks. However if incompatibility with your fantasies is a deal-breaker for you, you may find it best to share your fantasies sooner rather than later. Let your hookup-partner know, “this is what I’m looking for. I don’t want to waste either of our time if you’re not interested in that.”
Tell Your Partner Why You Want to Do It With Them.
For a lot of people, hearing a partner’s fantasy can bring up insecurity. It’s easy to go to a place of not feeling like you’re “enough” for your partner. One simple way to get around this is to share the specific reasons as to why you want to act out your fantasy with them. Maybe they’re the only person who has helped you feel safe enough to explore your fantasies. Then again perhaps you can’t get the thought of them demanding that you lie down as they selects the kinky gear to administer to you. Whatever it is, share with your partner why they are a crucial part of your fantasy instead of just playing a role that any other person could play.
Here are some easy prompts to get you started:
“You know what sounds really hot to me?”
“There’s this thing I’ve always wanted to try, but I’ve been waiting until I found the right person.”
“I would love to see you doing...”
“What did you fantasize about when you were a teenager?”
“Have you ever thought about doing...”
“I saw this movie that had a scene where the actors were doing... Would you ever do something like that?”
“How do you feel about...”
“I’m not sure I’d actually like this, but I’ve always been a little curious about trying...”
Even if the thought of sharing your fantasy has got you stressed, remember that your hookup partner’s reaction to your disclosure says a lot about whether they’re worthy of your time and affection. Do they treat your fantasy with respect? Do they listen to you without judgment? Are they willing to at least consider your request? Sharing your fantasies is a great way to gauge your long-term compatibility with someone.
