As you will no doubt be aware, this last Sunday, 8th March was International Women’s Day 2020. I’m very aware of it. As an avid supporter of equality for all (some might throw the term ‘Social Justice Warrior’ around like it’s an insult – More on that in another post) I noticed some, not entirely unexpected phenomena on social media that has got me thinking about both human nature, our use of the internet and the way we react to the empowerment of others.
I’m sure many of you will agree that International Women’s Day is a very positive thing, celebrating and empowering women and their achievements in a world where we’re actually still pretty far from true equality. However, reading various comments in all manner of places, I found myself shocked at some of the things I read. Perhaps ‘shocked’ isn’t the right word, as it seems in this age of instant information, sharing of every detail and the cacophony of data that permeates our everyday lives, everyone feels they have the right to voice their opinion in everything, no matter how demeaning that opinion may be.
Now, call me old fashioned, but I was always taught “If you can’t find anything nice to say, don’t say anything”, many have forgotten about this important moral rule though. I’ve written before about how if you saw something that you weren’t particularly into out in the real world, you’d probably just walk on by and continue with your say or, at worst, perhaps ‘tut’ under your breath and carry on with your life. In short, it wouldn’t greatly affect your day and certainly wouldn’t impact anyone else’s. However, the way we seem to react digitally is showing much different (and not altogether flattering) new trends in our interactions.
While I am a strong advocate for freedom of speech and believe that everyone has a right to an opinion, it seems that the many confuse this right to have an opinion as a right to force theirs' on others, to the point that they feel that leaving negative comments on posts celebrating others is acceptable. The sad thing is that if these people spewing negativity are challenged, they seem to find it hard to give a substantive reason for their vitriol.
The example that sparked me to write this was a social media post which was the first thing I saw the morning after IWD, which due to the time difference was still going on in the United States, so one of the newest posts in my feed was a software company who make a game I play had posted a picture of their female team members in honour of International Women’s Day. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. I thought it was fantastic, especially in what’s widely perceived to be a fairly male-dominated industry. It was the comments I took great umbrage with.
Things like “get back to work” and “why are we celebrating someone’s gender?” Were women of the milder ones, then a few about looks and a few over sexual remarks. Then, finally, after literally dozens of these, came the one that encapsulated my thoughts perfectly. “This comments section is embarrassing for mankind.” And it is. Absolutely. The sad thing is, I’m not even sure where the idea to post this rubbish comes from. Whether people actually think they’re funny in doing it, which they’re absolutely not, or if they actually believe the things they write. One thing’s for certain though, they all seemed caught up in this outpouring of negativity, with each contributor’s view bolstered by the last. Seeing that initially made me angry, but then that gave way to sadness and pity. I couldn’t fathom how celebrating and empowering someone else could possibly be something that could spark such negativity.
The problem is, we’ve seen the bolstering of these hideous views in recent history with things such as Brexit and, don’t even get me started, in Trump’s America. One poster posting something discriminatory or inflammatory sees a couple of people agree and next they’re taking permission and a twisted sense of support and going further. Then others join in and they’re all feeling legitimised and bolstered by each other and anyone who speaks up positively is labelled ‘woke’ or a ‘snowflake’ and made to feel negatively about being kind. This is such a shame.
I see it on posts about LGBT+ Pride festivals being announced. “Why do we need this?”, “Why are we celebrating people having sex?”, and worse. They’re missing the point that their negative comments on empowering topics actually prove why the movements still need to exist, but it’s really made me wonder what the world would be like if people actually applied the rules of in-person interactions to online interactions. It’s also something I’ve seen in the online dating world – People are often much more willing to reject someone in a more painful way because the distance almost makes the person on the receiving end ‘less real’ in some way. This is most definitely not the case.
Imagine, if you will, a world where people felt freedom to support and bolster each other and revel in positivity online. If people were quicker to congratulate each other, to praise each other, to spread a bit of love and cheer? If those who felt like outsiders were included? If differences were celebrated rather than feared? Perhaps society’s mental health problem would be less severe for one. Perhaps if people weren't afraid to be open and unafraid, everyone would be more relaxed and at ease. Obviously there will still be some bumps out there who won’t want to embrace this idea, but leave them to it. If they don’t want to come to the party, that’s ok too.
If the online community could tip the balance and make compliments more common than criticism, we could really make a difference. That person you just told had nice hair? She could be having the day from hell and that compliment could allow that to all that melt away. The guy you just told he looked adorable with his puppy? He could have been battling with all sorts, but you’ve just given him something to smile about. Imagine if you were to be on the receiving end of an unsolicited positive comment in the middle of a bad day. Telling someone they’re doing a great job? Even just thanking someone with a smile! It’s like a magnificent reset button or at the very least, a little boost of strength to make it through.
So, I pose the question: Why do we find it so hard to celebrate others?
It reminds me of the comparison someone I know made to Equality being limitless. She said “Equality is not a cake! More for me doesn’t mean less for you.” And this is absolutely true. Equality is about equalising the rights and freedoms of people and people opposing equality often act like someone else being equal takes something away from them. Perhaps it’s the same with praising and supporting others. It’s almost as if they view a display of positivity as diminishing themselves in some way. If you think of it like that, you’ll see how ridiculous that notion is. It’s almost like basic decency and kindness have become old fashioned and uncool. Or perhaps people simply don’t think they have the time. Well, I’ve got news: Kindness is free and takes no time at all.
Kindness in no way takes away from the person giving it out. You may actually find the opposite. Kindness is contagious and I invite everyone to give it a try. A simple act can spread. I think we can all agree the world could use some!
