Her story, how I came to be

Are sissies born or made? 
Does it even matter?
What does it even mean to be a sissy?
These are all questions I am trying to answer. I've dressed ever since I can remember, the pull of those cloths and the feel of them on my body created a visceral feeling that has persisted ever since.  
The cycles of buy, wear, purge, buy, wear... Finally grew old a few years ago and her cloths now outnumber his. 
Other than a few encounters with a man in middle school (more on that later 😘) I've only been with women.  Which is in a lot of ways odd because I can't remember the last time I masterbated thinking of breasts, well at least breasts not attached to me! It's always some sort of sissy porn but more likely an erotic story or a sexy man slowly stripping and pleasuring himself. Gives me chills just thinking about it 💗
I've always fantasized about being with a man, leaning up to kiss him (I'm only 5'7" and 125 lbs) cuddling on the couch, sleeping with his hard rod tucked against my bum.  O the hours that have been spent day dreaming of such times. 
Yet somehow I have yet to take the plunge and be with a man. 
But it's so much more than just being with a man. The words to describe why have been elusive. In a lot of ways I'm still finding them. Maybe telling my story here will help me find them. 
It goes back to what is a sissy. 
More and more I believe I might be a sissy. The thought of humiliation doesn't get me going, neither does real pain, I have no desire to be belittled or forced to do a thing. I say I might be a sissy but all of these are typical sissy traits and desires. 
I get pleasure from giving pleasure, the more asked of me the more pressure I feel in my chest and my head sings in the stars. Why would I need to be forced to experience this? It's better than an orgasim. Actually organisms typically destroy the feeling. 
I don't want to be a man with a man. 
I want to be the sissy a man loves and treats well, tell me I am pretty, show me kindness and affection, tell me your desires and I'll work my tail off to make them happen. Just show a little appreciation is all I ask. 

I never knew what to call those desires. I just want someone to please, I won't give everything at first but play your cards right (I'll even help you play them 😉) and in time I will give all. I want to, I want to so badly. It's been my overwhelming fantasy for my entire life. 

It's only very recently though that I have been trying to figure myself out. To make sense of the feelings, desires, achings that have been with me for the longest time.
How did I end up this way? Was it a freak DNA trait, or a fetish out of control? 
If the former I should embrace it, as Lady GaGa says "baby I was born this way!"
If the latter then maybe therapy is in order. 
If I could change would I want to?
I love shaving my legs, painting my toes, wearing panties (been nothing else for years) the thought of a hot man gets me going and I wish my clitty would stop getting hard ( it was a source of early trama, more later), my chest feels naked without forms. Would I want to give up those feelings?

Writing this has been very cathartic and also very arousing!!!! My clitty is leaky and needs attending to. Per usual I don't have a stitch of his cloths on and my forms are filling out my tank top nicely 🙂
I'm going to find a video of a sexy older man and will masturbate thinking of being there, having him flip up my skirt, pull my panties to the side and fuck me until the cows come home. 
Dear god I am hot and bothered! Haha
CIS guys don't talk like that do they?
Never mind, don't answer that! Haha

I gotta run and find a video and change my panties. Hahah

More later, I'll start from the beginning. 

Xoxo😘😘~S

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