"You are monogamous, yes?"
"It's a little more nuanced than that, but broadly yes"
"Don't you find it rather restrictive?"
Have you had this conversation?
I have. Among some people there is a perception that monogamy equals restriction. And restriction means stunted growth as a person.
"Wouldn't my monogamous partner feel weird if I teased at munches? Flirted at play parties? Cuddled with a girl? Tried rope with a guy? Wouldn't I then get locked into the set dynamics of my only relationship?"
Well, depends. It's not about the format of the relationship.
It's about the person.
It's always been about the person you are with.
For one, restrictions are not the sole property of monogamy. Do you not set boundaries, comfort zones and rules in polyamory? Are they not restrictions, in some sense (even with the best of intentions)? I find looking at them as "restrictions" a negative viewpoint. They are all just a formulaic way of saying "be mindful of your partner's feelings when you go chasing your own needs". Mono/poly 😛 notwithstanding.
But semantics aside, just because a guy is poly doesn't mean he's a fuck boy. It's perfectly possible to be a responsible, sensitive, loving partner to multiple people.
That's what it's about at the core, right?
Similarly just because someone is monogamous doesn't mean they are restrictive, jealous, insecure or paranoid about any random third person. I'm sure some are. And some are not.
Which is why, again, it's about the person
Let's not chuck everyone into the same stereotype basket.
If you are fundamentally happy with one person but feel like you need a few other things - tying with that old friend, cuddling with the girl friend that introduced you to fetlife, flirting with a cute thing just for the sake of flirting and feeling a little blushy - talk about it.
Discuss your needs openly
And you'll be surprised how much the right person might be willing to flex for your happiness and growth. Heck, they might even encourage you, watch as you tie with an accomplished rigger so that they can recreate a little bit of the magic later in the bedroom, poke you to get to know more people and tell you "I love you just the same" if you feel guilty after a little innocent flirting.
The right person will know that encouraging you to grow enriches their own relationship with you
Of course everyone has boundaries, lines which if crossed lead to a feeling of betrayal of the trust and openness placed upon each other.
But within those lines, it's really a question of the right individual for you, not merely the format of relationship you pick.
