Husband
Wife and I met when we were sixteen. We are not the same people at age thirty as we were on that day. This is because the standard we expect both from ourselves and each other has drastically changed.
Oral sex is perhaps the easiest and most demonstrable example. The first time Wife pleasured me with her mouth was, to put it mildly, tentative, difficult and unsatisfactory for either party. In contrast Wife has requested recently that we work on her deep throat technique using our longest dildo, so she can learn to continue performing even when her gag reflex is triggered. Even before this Wife is now able to allow Husband to control speed and to a large extent depth and understands that any of Husband’s juice that enters her mouth should be swallowed. It’s utterly night and day from where we were.
In a relationship such as ours the dominant partner (myself) sets a standard for the submissive partner to adhere to. When the submissive partner meets or exceeds this standard it is the dominant’s duty to rewards them. If they fail to meet the pre-arranged standard their behaviour must be corrected. This always entails finding out WHY the failure has occurred, and, depending on that reason, may require a level of physical chastisement.
My problem is that I am the sole arbiter of
a)What constitutes failing to meet a standard
b)What the penalty for failing should consequently be.
For instance if a submissive is told to stand still in a corner for thirty minutes and they mildly fidget on two occasions totalling ten seconds of movement, they have “technically” failed to obey the order and yet in reality have performed admirably. It comes down to discretion but that leaves room for inconsistencies.
The changing standards we expect from each other simply exacerbate the situation. If at age sixteen Wife had swallowed Husband’s juice with an expression of distaste upon her face, sixteen year old Husband would have been delighted. Punishing Wife for such a performance would not have entered my mind back then, However, if today Wife wore an expression beneath “content satisfaction” after this act, I would punish her severely, painfully and intending her to remember it for many days. This is because Wife would be fully aware that this violates not just my standard of today but hers too and when her right frame of mind had returned she would not only expect but almost require me to do so. It is of critical importance therefore to meet the standard that is required before administering physical punishment. Failing at an easy task for a good reason is often less disappointing than failing at something new and challenging through lack of commitment. To be literal a substandard blow job because of a cold disappoints me less than a “stand to attention” task that ends in failure due to lack of effort. Wife would not be punished for the first but I’d whip the skin of her buttocks for the second.
Is failing to stand still deserving of a whipping? Should I flog her breasts if she answers me back in the morning? Should I crack out the cane if each blow job isn’t at least as good as the one that preceded it? The answer to all is determined by the standards you have set yourselves and the answer to the question why.
Keep that in mind when you decide to punish and you should be able to keep your punishments appropriate.
