This Blog will be about getting started in the BDSM community. We will discuss how to be submissive and still be in control of what is happening, What is expected of a Dom or Master, Safety during a BDSM scene, how to prepare yourself for the experience, what the Dom or Master expects from a sub and much more.
I also want to here from you the reader about your experiences. The good the bad and the ugly! Help others make their experiences better and let people know what to watch out for. and please don't be shy about it, we are all adults on this "Adult" web site!
Now a little about me the author of this Blog: I am in my 50's, Male, been a Dom for 15 years. I am straight, however I will work with gays, lesbians and Bisexuals. I am not into the "SM" or Sadism Masochism part of BDSM, I am more into the BD or Bondage and Discipline. I am not into poking needles in my Subs and I don't do anything that would draw blood. I don't believe in marking my Subs with welts or any marks on the skin that will not wear off in a few hours to a day. This is my personal preference and others that like it rough, its their body and I will not condemn them for what they like to do. That's the beauty of the BDSM community, no one will judge you for what you like to do or condemn you for having desires or doing things that those outside the BDSM community would pass judgement over.
How I got into the BDSM community: Like all others that take this path, my journey was an awakening into sex that I never dreamed could exist. When I was a young man it was important to me to rack up a list of females that I had sex with. I was a typical horny young man who was reasonably good looking. I was a weight lifter and played Football in high school then in college. I had had many sex partners by the time I was on my own in the world. I was 25 when I met the woman that would redefine my sexual journey. She was a cougar and man o man did she have a good grip on what she wanted out of sex (and a good grip on my cock). I didn't know it was called BDSM at the time or I had ever heard that term by that point in my life. Looking back now I was a sub to a Dominatrix who used me as her personal Boy Toy! And I loved every minute of it!
I married that woman even though she was 22 years older than I was. At the time I worked for a large oil company and was the typical bad ass at work. But when I was in the bedroom with her I was her submissive, not because I lean that way but because the sex was incredible, my orgasms were intense and she could make me cum 5 times some nights. At a future date I will get into more detail about our sessions.
When I was in my 40's and she was in her 60's (and she was stile one fine woman) she had had enough of me and wanted a younger guy or maybe she just wanted a change of scenery, we divorced. It wasn't a terrible break up and we are still friends, we still get together from time to time.
The important thing was now I was back on my own. Oh Crap, I have been in this relationship with a Sex Goddess and now I'm back on the market trying to find myself sexually all over again. I went out with 4 ladies I met on a dating site (not at the same time). They all would have sex and do the typical blow jobs and l would give them oral sex like my ex had taught me. I even gave one woman 14 orgasms in one night, she told me that in her entire life she had only had 3 and I gave her 14. So what I found out was all 4 women wanted one thing and that was a husband. Each one was nice and would have made a fine wife but they didn't fill the bill as to what I wanted.....what I wanted was to now be the experienced Dominate man. I had a Epiphany.....as it was with my ex wife when she was my age, she had the experience. It was now my turn to direct my efforts into pleasing women in ways they never knew existed.
This was before the "Shades Of Grey" movie had come out and BDSM was still a dirty word that was only spoke of in jest or derision of someones actions. I found a small BDSM group in Seattle and started hanging out at the bar they used as hook up central. I was going to be a DOM and I was going to find me a Submissive that I could use for my own gratification while giving her great pleasure...NOT! My first encounter with a so called "Sub" from this group wanted me to do some really wild stuff, she wanted me to beat her, poke needles into her....this was not what I wanted and I was a bit put off. I never went back to that bar and never saw any of them again. It was wrong to act like that, I can see now. I should have went back and talked with them and explained what I was looking for. I'm sure they would have helped me find what I was looking for.
Then I found Miss Kitty, she was a Dominatrix and we found each other on CL. She had been a Dom for several years and she was my age. She had read my CL add asking for a sub and I listed what I wanted to do in that add. To make a long story short, she took me under her wing and introduced me to several other Dom's in the area and to their network of willing Subs. for the first 2 years I would do a scene with another Dom or Dominatrix with 1 to 4 subs. I learned how to make the transition from being in the Subs place to now being at the controls so to say.
I got comfortable with directing the scene and learned the safe way to do everything. Like anal sex, if just plow your cock in to her ass or you use the wrong size dildo to start with, your sub will hate you and it will be painful for her. You can even do sever damage if not done correctly. There are preparations that need to be made and you need to dilate the sphincter correctly. then once you have prepped everything you can bang her ass as hard as you want and she will love it! Its great to have a Sub have her first anal orgasm, it blows their mind!
So I learned the safe way to do a scene, I learned how to prepare a Sub who may be a bit frightened but still wants to do the scene. I learned that taking your time and not rushing things makes the Sub's experience more intense. That spanking done right can be very erotic and that mild pain mixed with great pleasure can give your Sub that once in a lifetime experience that most are looking for. I learned that "Safe Words" are the one thing that is non-negotiable and must be adhered to at all times. I learned that by developing my own approach to being a DOM has made a difference in my life and my approach to everything.
More of my Blog to come, Please comment
Allan aka Lickattack
