Self restraint continues.
When I was first introduced into the fetish lifestyle, I was young lad and she was mature woman. She would tell me this is what a woman wants. She also would drill into me a male package can take more pain and suffering than I could imagine. And the almost two years we were seeing each other she showed me she was right.
I was young. I thought I knew what sex was. Man and woman in bed. When I was not with a woman. Not with her. My own hand would be what brought my balls to release. In other words I would jack off often. She taught me masturbation, without her permission was wrong.
She introduced me to B & D. S & M. She was into pain. Inflicting pain. I was the one she used to “play with”. Pain and suffering became the norm when I was with her. She knew about me playing with myself and she brought punishment and even chastity into my young life. This was a fact of life she said and I did not know much better. I trusted her. She was an older woman. I wanted to be with her. Sleep with an older woman. Without knowing it, she was training me to be submissive. To be not only her play toy but her subbie. When I was with her. At her home. Clothes were not an option. I was kept naked. Kept in some form of restraints. I knelt before her. Worshiped her feet. Worshiped her body. She had me wrapped around her little finger. I was her puppet and she pushed my limits every time we were together. I am now coming back out of the closet. My wife has passed away. So I'm a widower now. I'm not seeking the traditional love making between a man and a woman. I’m looking for a female dominated and female controlled relationship. One where she is the Mistress and I am the play toy.
I have lived with chastity off and on for many years. A few times the chastity cage has hung locked between my legs. It has frustrated me. Made me wanting more. Thinking more about her. Her pleasure. Her needs. And less about me.
So I am bringing chastity back into my life. I bought a few chastity cages to try. One I could not wear more than three days. It tore me up so much. The pain was more than I could handle. And it ripped up my skin. The chastity cage was a version I did not see before. It was listed as a chastity cup. The rings went around the cock and balls like normal. But then a black cup went over the cock and balls. And the cock had to be shoved into a plastic tube, inside the cup. It was hard to put on and was held together with two locks. Once on, I had no access to anything. My balls were locked in a plastic cup. And I could not see inside the black plastic cage. It hurt wearing it. Made me cry. I would cry and sometimes be vocal in private. And out in public I would often cry from the pain the cage caused. It hurt but I tried to push on. I wanted to see can I last seven days. The third day I took it off. I saw the flesh on my cock and balls was damaged. It took awhile for my skin to heal. I called that chastity cage “Black Hell”.
A couple of the cages were not what I think I wanted. I could still play with myself with these other cages. And my goal was to take away access to my cock. Prevent cumming with the palm of my hand. I am now wearing a birdcage chastity. The cage is about one inch ling. I have a small penis. And the longer I wear this chastity cage, the more I find is I still have room in the shaft of the cage. My cock shrunk to less than one inch. It also crawls up inside me more and more. It is like a belly button. I have an innie belly button. And now I have an innie cock. I used to be a grower. Not a shower. Now I do not even grow. Yes it is humiliating. A newborn has more of a cock then I do now. Looking down, between my legs, is an ego deflating situation.
What I'm doing now I call self control. The longest I think I went, with chastity locked on me was one month or so. It was frustrating in ways I could never imagine. I begged and pleaded her for release many times. She laughed and I hung my head in shame. Yes she controlled me and owned me. She broke me. She reminded me it was all about her and not me. I became a play toy to some strong females. And I was happy when they ground their heels into me. I was taught to endure pain and suffer, for her pleasure. As I was on my knees. As I looked up towards her face, Seeing her smile made our relationship so much more special for me. And I miss that type of relationship with a woman.
So I'm bringing chastity back into my life. I tried a metal chastity cage. The one that shines between my legs today. At first I struggled to last seven days. I so wanted to touch myself. To stroke my cock. But this tiny cage stopped any access to my cock. The balls are hanging large between my legs. But the cock is shriveled up inside the cage. I could not stroke my cock if I wanted. I can only put a Q-Tip in the cage. And sometimes my cock is not much bigger than that little Q-Tip.
I have gone past two weeks now. Two weeks locked in the metal chastity cage this time. Last time I removed it for inspection and cleaning was seven days. When I put the cage back on, I began the count all over again. I have gone fourteen days. My goal is thirty days. Yes I am sexually frustrated. Yes I crave the feel of my shaft again. Even if it mean playing with my hand. My balls are getting bluer. My balls are getting bigger and fuller. My cock seems to be getting smaller and smaller. Spending more time inside me and less time getting hard. I have the key sitting in front of me at my computer table. I can pick up the key and unlock and remove the chastity cage anytime I want. I can then jack off and obtain that sexual release I am so desperately craving.
My goal now is to last thirty days in chastity. No sexual release for thirty days or more. I used to cum almost daily. Imagine 2, 3 or more times a day. Now no release at all. It hurts in many ways. I crave the feeling as the orgasm travels through my body again. My body shaking as my cock jerks and my juices shoot out my cock. But now, I cringe when I look at my cock. I rub baby oil now on my balls everyday. It is to prevent cutting and tearing of the skin again. But as I rub baby oil on my balls. The desire to orgasm keeps entering the back into my head. And that key to my chastity keeps tempting me. Who will know I say. Well, I'll know. My goal is to find a woman who will accept my key. Who is willing to take ownership and control of my cock and balls. Someone who can break me. Treat me like a dog. Even locking me in a dog cage as her pet. Bring me to tears. Make me endure pain and suffering for her pleasure. Grind her heels into me. Telling me I’m not worthy to even look at her.
I am experiencing chastity again. I am training myself to go thirty days again. What I hope to find is a woman who desire to see me remain in chastity for much longer. Six months. One year. Or more. The longer I remain in chastity, the harder it is for me. I can remove the chastity cage I wear at anytime I want. What I hope to find is someone who will take that option away from me. Hold my key. Make me obey her. Suffer for her. And worship her. Be her play toy and maybe be awarded with sexual release, only if she wants to.
I hear you never forget your first. My first some might say was a bitch. She treated me in ways that would put off many. But the more time I spent with her. In a private setting. The more she drilled into me that she got pleasure in inflicting pain and suffering. She kept asking you do want to make me happy. What could I say but yes. And the pain and suffering got more and more intense. It hurt when she got married and left the State. I was heartbroken when she left without saying a word. Later on in life I went to some play parties. Joined some BDSM clubs. Played with some but never went as far as I did with my first. Those tears she brought out of me were genuine. And the more she trampled me. The more she crushed me. The more I saw her smile. And that smile made it all worth while. Her pleasure was what our relationship was about. She allowed me pleasure. Only after she was happy. And only a few times in our two year relationship. I failed her in so many ways. Or so she said. I had to suffer. I had to pay. She dragged me down and treated me with disgust. The more she did this, the more I crawled back to her. Begged forgiveness. And tried harder to please her. I did not care for her forms of punishment. Her love was non forgiving. She was the first to whip me. And the whipping was often. It made her happy to see me cry. It made her happy to see me suffer. It made her happy to be the one inflicting pain and suffering on me. She taught me to think of her first. Be the one who made her happy. She was an older woman. I was just entering the age of sex. Still young. Still learning. And she introduced me into her fetish lifestyle.
