Why I cannot give up this quest for cock

The frustration of this longing, need, and general desire really is all encompassing & has taken over my life! When I am with my wife and she is out of the room for a few minutes, I am immediately thinking whether I can 'safely' log on & check various adult sites to see if I have an e-mail, forum or blog reply, or actually a request for hot sex!!! If I am on my own for more than about 30 mins then I weigh up whether I KNOW she is out or could return, and whether I can safely get dressed into my lingerie & have some horny fun before she returns. And when she is asleep in the lounge, I try to quietly type my sex chats, e-mails, blogs & forum posts hoping she is fast asleep, yet still ready to pounce & shut everything down if she stirs!!!

The frustration of this sneaking around means that I rarely get long to chat, have cyber sex, wank as someone tells me what they'd like to do to me (though this chat NEVER turns to reality!), or to truly search for meaninful meets and to trawl through the fantasisers, chatters, all-talkers and most likely no-shows!!!

BUT in many ways the sneaking around DOES make it even more horny!!! The feeling of rushing upstairs in a pre-planned operation of cross-dressing & horny fun for 30+ mins, knowing that I could be caught at any minute, DOES make it even more horny. Often I am leaking pre-cum before I have even slipped on any lacy knickers, silky stockings, or horny stockings and basque. Before long I am soon in my lingerie, and licking the precum off my fingers. I always try to take things slowly, to try to savour the moment knowing that the next one could be a long time a way. BUT the combination of knowing I do not have long, the horniness of finally getting to wear lingerie again, and the feel of my fingers/dildo/vibrator sliding into my tight virgin arse mean that the intensity of my horniness prevents me from lasting more than 10 mins!!! With my wife I seem to be able to go on for ever, but on my own my horniness overwhelms me!!! My intention is to cum or to have a dry orgasm, and to keep going so that I do it all over again. I have always been able to do this multiple times, but if I am in my lingerie/used a dildo the sensibility of not getting caught means that I quickly rush to tidy everything away into my (hopefully!) secret hidy holes. The panic of getting caught means that I rarley get to make the most of the moment, and I have a REAL sense of unsatisfaction & emptiness needing more! In some ways it feels like the a quickie sex affair, grabbing a quick fuck before the wife comes home but with it all on my own.

BUT I still keep coming back for more, desperate to do & try new things. When I had my first meet in a cottage in Ware I was soooo nervous - I'd tried to go in there on many occasions, but panicked as soon as I was in there or if anyone talked to me! But on one occassion a man was there, clearly wanking a large cock at the urinals. I asked him if he needed a hand, and he said no but that he wanted me to suck his cock. I nervously said okay, but that I'd never seen another cock until just now let alone touch, wank or suck one! My nervousness meant they believed me, and initially they were guiding me what to do - I quickly sunk to my knees, and had their erect cock in my hand. I licked it slowly up and down, caressing their balls whilst I did so & was then slowly moving my lips & mouth further down their 8" cock. So far so good!!! However they were very soon holding the back of my head and aggressively face-fucking me. Initially I found this such a turn on as I'd always wanted to be forcibly taught to be the submissive sissy that I clearly am. BUT soon I was gagging on their cock, desperately trying not to choke. I was soon panicking that I'd get caught, that someone would walk in & see me on my knees being face-fucked by a total stranger. AND I was soon thinking what would happen if I publicy got found out, or that the wife ended up finding out. After about 5 mins or so of sucking, licking, wanking & fingering I could take it no more & rushed out of the toilet apologising for my patheticness!!! I chatted to them later & they were okay with my rushing off, and we agreed to meet at theirs in more comfortable surroundings but unfortunately this meet never occurred, maybe because of my poor performnce last time????

On my next meet I met up with the most sexy cross-dresser who wore a very short skirt & sexy lingerie. I was again sooooooo nervous & ummmed & ahhhed whether to go through with another physical meet. I DID have one no-show, but apologied sooooooo much that they kindly agreed to meet me the next day. I turned up, nervous yet so amazingly horny, and we were very soon on the bed kissing & caressing each others body. To actually kiss another CD felt amazing, and they soon had my erect cock out & were on their knees sucking me off. The blow job was the best I'd ever had, and although I was incredibly horny I actually managed to prolong the orgasm long enough to savour the occassion!!! But soon the intensity was too much to handle & I knew that I was cumming, with them expertly deep throating me as I came. However my intention to return the compliment did not occur, and I again panicked offering my excuses on why I had to leave so quickly! Again they were very understanding, and another meet was arranged. This time they were just in some sexy hold ups & dress (without the wigs & makeup), and this time I said that I should suck their cock first or otherwise I'd run off again!

I kissed and caressed them, feeling their cock growing though their dress. I could take the anticipation no longer and was soon on my knees and had their cock out of the most sexy pair of knickers. I wanked the cock sooooooo bad, and licked it from tip to base & back up again, slowly caressing the tip around & around (as that's what I love!!!!). I looked up to their face, and they were begging me to suck their cock to take it in to my mouth - I obliged and was soon sucking the cock up and down, then wanking, then sucking the balls, then trying (& initially failing!) to deep throat the cock trying to get all way down to the balls. I tried again and again to do it but kept choking, but they said to lie on the bed and then instead had me in a position where they could more comfortably fuck my mouth. The feeling as they fucked and fucked and fucked my mouth was amazing, and I could soon tell that they were going to cum. Yet instead they then got me in a 69er and said they wanted us to cum together. This sounded like a great idea, but I just could just not master this!!!! It was like tapping my head & rubbing my stomach!!!!! As I could not concentrate on both sucking cock & having my cock sucked off at the same time. I just had to finish them off first, so was back on my knees wanking their cock as I sucked them off, as they were face fucking me building up speed and intensity as they rammed their cock deeper into my thoat and I knew that very soon I'd finally get to taste cum. Then I could feel their cock tense up as they gripped the back of my head & hair, and then groaned as cum gushed into my mouth. At the moment of cumming my mouth was deeply over their cock, with the cock at the back of my throat & this made it easier for me to catch their cum & to swallow. I tried to lick their cock clean, and to caress their balls but they were VERY soon on their knees with their mouth around my cock. They wiped the precum off my fingers and used it to gently caress my arse, slowly inserting one finger and then two in my arse. The feeling of having someone suck my cock whilst finger me especially after the horniness of finally tasting cum meant that I was soon cumming. The orgasm WAS truly the greatest & most intense I have ever ever ever had. My whole body shook & exploded, and I could feel a feeling of ecstasy I'd never had before. Again, I was soon out of their & feeling guilty of what I'd just done!

On the drive home I was intially guilty & upset at the betrayal of what I'd just done, but even before I'd got home I was still horny at what had happened. In the morning the guilt HAD returned, and I shut down all my accounts AND even worse threw away my lingerie AND dildo. For a few days I kept up the pretense that I'd never ever do it again, focussing on my wife & trying not to get annoyed by the lack of affection or sex!!!

BUT this burning desire for cock, to dress in lingerie, to feel the touch of another man or CD, to see & feel a cock slide into my mouth & explode cum meant I HAD to come back. More impotantly I know it is not enough. I cannot stop thinking about & fantasysing about my next cock action, where I finally get to feel a gorgeous cock slide deep into my tight virgin arse. I've ridden a dildo, and in my mind can picture the scene of me bending over in my lacy basque & stockings (or naked if you prefer???) as the cock is pressed against my tight hole. I brace myself knowing that it will soon be in me, and then feel it slowly slide in - the feeling I know will be immense, as all these years of frustration, longing, need and desire are finaly realised and I can now ACTUALLY feel a real, hard, erect, horny cock in MY arse. I want it to slowly penetrate me, keeping going as it slowly goes deeper and deeper until their balls are firmly up to my arse. I want to stop there and hold for a second as I feel a cock finally deep up my arse but then I relax, and then slowly ride my arse downwards and then upwards trying to ride their cock in a perfect rhythm as they fuck me faster and faster and then harder and harder. I can feel the sensation now as the intensity builds up, as my erect cock swings as I am fucked like the sissy bitch that I clearly am probably with precum flying everywhere!!! I want this feeling of deep anal plesure to go on and on, trying different positions to get all types of sensations! Yet I then beg to be on my back, so that I can see the cock slide into me, and have my legs raised so that I can feel the cock back in me until it is again pushing harder and faster. I beg them to wank me as they fuck me and very soon it is clear that we are both going to cum. I want to be on my back so that I can see their face as they cum deep inside me, as I too cum even though it is all over my lingerie. They wipe their fingers in my cum & I am soon sucking my own cum off of them, horny at what I have finally achieved after all these years of desire & frustation. I then finally take off their condom, and drink their cum and lick thir cock dry.

So far I have realised some of my fantasys, but I have sooooo many more to fulfil. AS you can see I DESPERATELY need cock, and it truly is all I can think off. Having read this back I realise how desperate this need for cock makes me, but I can not apologies but instead beg for help!!!

SOOOOOOOOOO if you have:

- a cock (of any shape, size or colour)
- want to fuck a desperately horny tight virgin arse
- can be a patient yet firmly dominant teacher OR a newbie deseprate to try new things
- can accomodate in Herts (Hoddesdon/Broxbourne/Hertford/Ware etc); Harlow; or London (with enough notice)
- OR know of somehwre discrete?
- OR want to share the cost of a hotel locally?
- OR are a couple wanting to have some horny fun with a desperate cross-dressing bi-curious virgin

THEN PLEASE GET IN TOUCH - NEXT TIME IT COUL BE OUR STORY THAT I SHARE!!!

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