Ok, here's the setting.
You've just met someone and the sparks fly, the chemistry is there and you're certain you have something here you can build a relationship on.
Where do you go from here, how do you as a Domme or Dominant create structure in your budding relationship with this enticing 's' type who you're entranced with and who is depending on you to give them what they need to flourish under your care?
You've already talked a lot, and there's a lot you know about each other, but how do you put it all together and make something coherent out of it?
We've all gone through it, some have pulled off miracles of self invention and spontaneous creation of some truly remarkable structured relationships.
Sometimes of whole cloth from themselves, other times with creative input from their s types (usually the latter works out a wee bit better).
The answer (at least in my opinion) is to have structure to begin with, and have both D type and s type participate equally in structuring their unique relationship (and trust me, everyone's relationship is indeed UNIQUE) together.
After all, they'll be living it together!
The basis for this structure is to think about each other in terms of;
Wants Needs and Desires
This has been around for a while now, a simple google search of it with BDSM will give results.
Here's the gist of it (well my interpretation, feel to substitute your own, ymmv and other disclaimers as required)
Realizing the difference between;
Wants (things you'd like to have, but can do without)
Needs (things you absolutely require to have within your life to exist) Desires (things you can do without, but are necessary for happiness) Do it separately to start, write them down, they don't need to be excessively detailed
that can come later
Now bring them together, talk about them, hash them out. Scribble in new things and cross out others as you see fit, work on them together. Talk about it.
You're in no rush, take your time, sleep on it and start again when refreshed.
Continue until you've hammered out something workable where your meeting each OTHERS wants needs and desires as much as possible. You probably won't get all of them, remember it's a work in progress.
One it's workable, agree together (consensus is vital) and start living it.
Every once in while, re examine it, neither one of you can make changes to it alone. Recognize that as your relationship grows and changes, your Wants Needs and Desires will too. They will change, that's the beauty of a living relationship, it grows!
Treat it as a living document of your promise to fulfill each other in every way as much as possible, cause that is exactly what it will become.
I wish vanilla folks would do this, it would resolve so many failed fairytale marriages based on unrealistic expectations and shattered dreams.
I did not originate this concept, full credit to whomever came up with it!
I do indeed live it though.
