Music and musings: Ever since the world began

"I'll never know what brought me here,
As if somebody led my hand,
It seems I hardly had to steer,
My course was planned.
And destiny it guides us all,
And by its hand we rise and fall,
But only for a moment,
Time enough to catch our breath again."

I was conveniently hiding away in a dark corner earlier, trying to smoke my stress away in peace. I badly needed that half hour cigarette break to bring me back to my equilibrium after a long day full of meetings and sorting out fucked up corporate messes. Just the other day I felt exhaustion overtaking my entirety so I asked the universe and God and whoever else is out there listening to a fool talking out loud to no one in particular to send me one last sign so I can hold on to this blind faith in some seemingly random stranger I ran across. I almost forgot about it because of the mundane daily adulting routine. Then all of a sudden, this song BLASTED out of nowhere. Another burst of clarity and peace settled in my soul. The universe couldn't have done it better. It's tantamount to a resounding slap if I do say so myself because what are the odds of me hearing music blasting inside an empty parking lot. This song played in FULL from beginning to end. My final sign after all the other signs I asked for has been granted.

"And we're just another piece of the puzzle,
Just another part of the plan,
How one live touches the other,
Is so hard to understand.
Still we walk this road together,
We travel through as far as we can,
And we have waited for this moment in time,
Ever since the world began."

Truth is, I am grasping blindly at straws. I have no tangible evidence about his feelings for me. I'm the expressive one. So far, all I really know about him is he's still there. There are days when I question the pull, why I'm drawn to him the way I am. How do I know when to be still and when to make a move to get to know him? Why am I still here when I've mastered the art of walking away? With him I am rendered incapable of going my merry happy go lucky way. Many people would cluck their tongue and say I'm doomed. But personally, I've never felt so free. Loving someone unconditionally is an uncomfortable concept that made me squirm in terror at first. But my soul has learned to surrender and that's when I found peace and serenity.

"Taking in the times gone by,
We wonder how it all began,
We'll never know and still we
Try to understand.
And even though the seasons change,
The reasons shall remain the same,
It's love that keeps us holding on
Till we can see the sun again."

There were so many dark moments I needed to navigate alone. Blind faith and trust require so much energy and my stock has been replenished and depleted so many times over the past weeks. The intensity brought me to my knees more than once. Still I choose to stay. I can take it.

"And we're just another piece of the puzzle,
Just another part of the plan,
And we have waited for this moment in time,
Ever since the world began."

One of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, said "Reallt important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other". I get it now. Why I had to endure all the crap I went through in the past. Why I'm all of a sudden an advocate of patience. All the whys in my life are slowly making sense as I stay in my path towards awakening. As a functioning human, the questions inherently pop up at the most random times. The answers come not too far behind. And it's always love. Just love 💕

"And I stand alone, a man of stone,
Against the driving rain,
And the night it's got your number,
And the wind it cries your name,
If we search for truth, win or lose,
In this we're all the same,
The hope still burns eternal,
We're the keeper of the flame."

In this journey, I have never felt so loved and cared for even on those days when I'm all alone. I feel him in me and around me. I have never been more sure about something so uncertain. But I know. God, I don't know how I know, I just do.

"And we're just another piece of the puzzle,
Just another part of the plan,
How one live touches the other,
Is so hard to understand.
Still we walk this road together,
We try and go as far as we can,
And we have waited for this moment in time,
Ever since the world began."

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