Music and musing: Stressed out

"I wish I found some better sounds no one's ever heard
I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words
I wish I found some chords in an order that is new
I wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sang"

You guessed right. I'm stressed AF. Things have been bumpy the past few days starting with this darn flu that I managed to catch despite the freaking flu shot I endured last January. Perception management is one of the toughest skill I had to apply. All my energy is focused on putting a happy mask for the people who look up to me for inspiration and guidance.

"I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink
But now I'm insecure and I care what people think"

I can't bear to disappoint the eager faces who depend on me to keep things afloat work wise. Even if I find it hard to keep myself upright because I feel horrible, I keep on telling myself that I need to pretend that I'm okay because the show MUST go on. The corporate world won't stop because one player is busy staying alive trying to dodge the damn bug one day too late. Alas, I am not immortal. I am allowed to whine because the sneezing and sniffling fit is real. I'm fucking miserable.

"Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young
How come I'm never able to identify where it's coming from
I'd make a candle out of it if I ever found it
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I'd probably only sell one"

Since I'm already borderline incoherent, let me expound on my fascination with scents. I love sniffing my partner's armpit. It's a weird fetish but I can't help it. It's addictive. I don't know why his scent reminds me of a safe place, it just does. Like I finally know I'm home. And that's a pretty tall order coming from me because I am very particular with that kind of thing. Whatever. I'm too tired to dwell on synchronicity. I'll just take it by scent value and leave it at that.

"We used to play pretend, give each other different names
We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away
Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face
Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."
Yeah"

I never dreamed of becoming rich. My ultimate dream is to be happy. And most days, I can say that I'm living my dream. Then there are days like these when the universe sends hiccups that changes my disposition in an ironic way. Nevertheless, I am still thankful and grateful. Because when things go back to it's seamless course, the big sigh of relief I'll emit will all be worth it. Because I know, the universe is also working on giving me what my heart and soul desire the most. I just need to trust the process and stay on the course. Soldier on, Lianne. You got this! 💪💕🍀


Send me some love! This is a raw piece, no time to proofread. Be kind 😅

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