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Music and musings: Someone New

5:17 am Friday, 9th February, 2018

"Don't take this the wrong way,
You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you,
Only blue or black days,
Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose"

Being a complex and damaged soul underneath the smile and swag can be daunting to new people I encounter. Most are uncomfortable with my radical thoughts and when asked about my opinion regarding certain issues, they tend to gawk at me after I lay out my cards. I'm used to it. For the longest time, I've accepted the fact that I'm different. I embraced my quirks and uniqueness and owned it like nobody's business. That's why the concept of anonymity and discretion is so compelling to me. I get a kick out of watching stranger's reactions to my unadulterated and unfiltered ramblings. I think it's absofuckinglutely beautiful.

"Would things be easier if there was a right way?
Honey, there is no right way"

Going back to my love - hate relationship with math, I tend to console myself often with the concept that there's no definite formula for chemistry. I rely predominantly on my God given instinct and some excerpts I plucked out of Robert Greene's theories. This song is the perfect example of the degree of changes in an anthropological perspective. How apt. We get caught up in study after study, case after case, only to find out that change is the only constant thing in this world and human connections are still explained using legends and metaphors. And that is utterly captivating and heartbreaking all at once.

"There's an art to life's distractions,
To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through,
Some like to imagine,
The dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do"

How Hozier sang casually about the origin of cheating is endearing and relatable. Though I was never a fan of it, I also do not judge those who do. But of course, I prefer to associate myself with other blunt and straightforward commitment shy folks like myself and we're an equally unimpressive bunch. We tend to lower down our walls for short periods of time for our own perverted pleasure. After all has been said and done, we build stronger walls back up to prevent any potential heartbreak fiasco and toddle off back to reality skipping and singing, lost in our own unicorn la la land.

"I wake at the first cringe of morning,
And my heart's already sinned.
How pure, how sweet a love, Aretha, that you would pray for him."

Is it a crime to want to share someone who fascinates you so much? To want others to experience the same toe curling, thought consuming, passion filled, multiple orgasmic, haze inducing kind of raw sex? Like Aretha, I say a little prayer for him to be free to come back to me for more. I do not want to own him, I do not think I am capable. But for now, I belong to him. Bless me father for I have sinned. I have delicious inappropriate thoughts of his hands wrapped around my neck while pounding me hard. Oh my word.

"I fall in love just a little, oh a little bit every day
Love with every stranger, the stranger the better"

Yes I fall in love with the strange moments. If fuels my hungry soul with my cravings for unparalleled connections. The knowing exchanges that no words need to be exchanged, but you both manage to capture a world of meaning. A look with a whisper of a promise. Maybe it's not too rare. But it's something that I am thankful and grateful for. Today I woke up and I have never been more happy to be alive.

"I fall in love just a little, oh a little bit every day with someone new"


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8:42 am Friday, 9th February, 2018


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