I don't chat. I don't know how to. I've been on my own so often and for so long that the concept has been totally alien to me. And yet... I 'met' a guy online yesterday and I've been spending hours chatting with him! I've even came up with topics to chat about! In the unlikely event that someone other than myself ever reads this you're probably wondering what the fuss is about. For me it's a big deal. My sister was born 42 years ago and since then I've been ignored by my mother - to this day. She just doesn't give a f*@k about anything I do or say; it's all about the Golden Child. The only person I have the opportunity to talk to is me - and half the time I know what I'm going to say.
Another amazing thing about these chats is that I'm discussing things with him that I've hardly admitted to myself, and it's fabulous! These are the preliminaries for meeting face to face and I feel... like I've known him forever. He can pull things out of me that have been buried for so long that I'd forgotten about them.
Intimacy for me has been a yearning desire for as long as I can remember - it's a fantasy. Other people fantasize about the Gods alone know what (probably shit involving donkeys!) and I fantasize about cuddling up with someone to watch the telly! He thinks that's a commonplace thing, but I'm 45 years old, I've had a good few relationships, but I have never experienced that kind of intimacy with another human being. And I want it!
