Finding a third.....

Once you’ve decided to open up your marriage or relationship, the tough yet equally exciting part now becomes finding an ideal third. It can be a daunting task trying to figure out who to invite or where to even begin looking. If you’re looking for a little direction to complete your trio, keep reading.

Gender?
First and foremost, decide who you are sexually interested in: a man, a woman, or maybe even a transgender? Discuss your personal preferences and limitations and be ready to explore!

Casual or Something More Serious
There are multiple forms of polyamory with varying relationship complexities, so it’s important to asses you and your partner’s needs to decide which form is most attractive. For example, if polyfidelity or a triad is a more ideal situation, then you’ll want to search for someone both of you are attracted to, as opposed to a “vee” arrangement, where the third is particularly distant from either you or your partner. All forms of poly require a level of commitment, so just figure out how much time and energy you are willing to commit.

Personality Dynamics
Take into consideration the current personality dynamics between you and your partner – who will compliment your strengths best and who will offset any existing imbalances? If both of you are dominant, you definitely want to avoid mixing in another headstrong personality. Finding a third will not only provide more excitement, but can also bring a couple closer.

Trust
Trust is crucial. This can be a scary, new step in the evolution of your relationship, so having complete confidence in your partners is a must. Make sure your third is someone you both feel safe with by asking lots of questions and allowing everyone to set their own boundaries.

Patience
This journey is learning process for everyone involved, so expect a few bumps along the way. Similar to traditional dating, rejection is unavoidable and will happen. You and your partner may hit it off with someone but they may only feel chemistry with you and things fail to progress. Finding another person who clicks with the various relationship dynamics and fits into your lives will take time, so be patient and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

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