Swinging in India & Pakistan: Ten situations to be mindful of

We have been in the lifestyle for only a few weeks or so, but have met several couples, and chatted with numerous others, and have been successful in getting a good bird-eye view of the local swinging scene. Here’s an elementary list of kind of people or situations to look out for, when entering the lifestyle in Pakistan. It might be relevant to those from the neighboring countries as well, owing to the similarities in our social constructs. So let’s start.

One: The pushy ones: Some people try to persuade you to meet them as soon as you inbox them. Others insist that you to meet up in private settings right from the start. That’s because the****ve been in the lifestyle for years and cannot stand lengthy prologues, perhaps because they’ve come across numerous people who’d chat for days and then disappear, never to reply again, or would never muster up enough courage to actually meet up, or would significantly fall short of their expectations once they did meet after weeks of chatting. If you’re new to the lifestyle, the speed with which they want to proceed may overwhelm you. The best way around this is to only see couples who are relatively new to the lifestyle and still remember the kinds of fears and concerns the****d when they were taking their first steps.

Two: Too slow: These are usually the ones who are going for the giant leap for the very first time, yet are still unsure if they should really go for it, or are trying to figure out how to proceed as safely as possible. Some of them will never agree to meet-up even after weeks of online communication. To circumvent such mismatch in pace, learn and employ ice-breaking techniques. Perhaps this lifestyle can help us develop our arsenals of social skills.

Three: No show: They won’t reply to your texts. Some will stop replying after once having built good rapports, with no understandable reasons for their sudden evaporation. This happens because some people find it difficult to communicate their differences with you, while others find it unnecessary. What we need to learn is that we’ll have to get used to it as we sail through this lifestyle, as getting replied to is not our absolute right (unless an explicit commitment was made), perhaps as a side-effect of the no-strings-attached nature of most swinging relationships.

Four: Novice quads: If two relatively new couples make the move, and meet up in a private setting… there is the chance that none of the couples takes the lead or breaks the ice, or that all of the members remain clueless as to how to proceed, and may fear that they may accidentally violate a presumed boundary and consequently have to face an embarrassing situation. The easiest way to avoid this is that first-timers only try it with those who already have had a few experiences.

Five: The dangerous lot: The security risks to look out for may not be obvious to some, so I brainstormed a few for you. The greatest risk in the lifestyle, especially in our part of the globe, is coming across a blackmailer who tapes your video conversations, or audio calls, or public meets, or even intimate encounters and then threatens to leak the recordings to the public. Other than that, there are the general security risks involved in letting strangers into your house, or in entering theirs. It’s generally obvious that if you’re letting someone into your house, you either live alone or your friends or family are away for a while. Be warned! This assumption can be easily leveraged for vicious planning. There are similar risks involved in dating with a couple in a car, yours or theirs. It may be terribly difficult to judge the chances of any of above happening with a given person/couple, but being mindful of the risks and a few specific precautions may help counter some of them. Firstly: Avoid video conversations ever. Avoid giving out identifiable details over voice. Meet in darker and difficult to film places. Trust your gut feelings, and more so if someone persistently tries to talk you out of them. Remember the ancient wisdom: Never fall for something or someone too good to be true.

Six: People who instantly ‘click’: The easiest way someone can win your liking, and secondarily your trust, is by displaying the similarities they share with you. Although it is pretty likely in this lifestyle to come across another couple with whom you genuinely share a lot of important similarities, the possibility of social engineering should never be overlooked. Remember those people who chatted with you for a while and vanished later? Is this too difficult for them to put together the pieces of the puzzle and come up with new personas, thru new user profiles, highly tailored to your liking? The moral is that even if someone appears to be winning your attention very fast, do not skip a bare minimum set of security precautions.

Seven: Unethical swingers: You will come across couples in unethical extramarital relationships wanting to swap. If you’re into ethical non-monogamy, this is something you may want to avoid.

Eight: The dying ones: It often happens that people are seeking others only in order to numb the misery in their primary relationships. There’s no ethical basis of avoiding such a couple, but one may want to keep a more thorough track of things going beyond the usual NSA terms when dating an unhappy couple. Quite possibly, polyamory can turn out to be the last nail in the coffin of their deteriorating relationships.

Nine: Non-consenting partner: Sometimes one comes across a couple in which one of the partners is not participating willfully and is only doing it for fear of losing the other partner.

Ten: Paraphilias that come up at the wrong times: Fetishes are common and may spice our sex lives up. Paraphilias, however, fall on an extreme of the spectrum whereby a person or couple cannot participate in or enjoy actual sex. Some paraphilias can be serious turn-offs. Although one must display a respectful attitude towards harmless fetishes, and fantasies… those have to be disclosed beforehand. Imagine suddenly being requested a very violent spanking mid-sex and getting completely turned off there and then. You’d be surprised how frequent such experiences can be. Needless to say, bringing these topics in discussion early on can help avoid unpleasant surprises.

That’s it for now. Once we gain more experience, I’ll probably write a follow up article. So stay tuned, and happy swinging!

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