It's all in the mind

I’ve never been homophobic, for the simple reason that as I’ve always been completely straight, I knew that gay guys wouldn’t be attracted to me. Never had a gay thought in my life before. Ever. Not even as a teenager.

So why get upset or frightened over something that would never happen?

Then for some reason, last summer, after 31 years of marriage, I suddenly wondered what it would be like to give a man a blow job. Why? I have absolutely no idea. I did a web search to see if any bi-nights existed at clubs. I went along to one and for the first time ever, sucked a man’s cock.

I’m still not sure yet whether I enjoyed it or not. I know he did. I’ve done it again a few times since. And then yesterday, I had my first full on gay experience.

We kissed, full on with tongues, stroked each other, grabbed each other’s arses, wanked each other, hugged and rubbed and did everything except anal.

Did I enjoy it? I don’t know. I came, which suggests I did. I was ridiculously excited by the thought of it beforehand. And I didn’t even hesitate when the moment came.

So what is sexuality? What are we? Are we straight? Are we bi? Are we really anything at all?

I still love women and the way they move, talk, look, feel, smell, taste. But I also seem to feel the same way about guys.

Except that I don’t. It has to be specific circumstances, I have to feel a particular way. A gay guy couldn’t come up to me in the street and chat me up, but a woman could. Yet in the right mood, I would definitely hit the sack with a guy.

Confused? Definitely.

BUt does it actually matter?

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