A number of profiles we've read on The Hub rant against people who tend to be pushy and needy. This is understandable. If you've ever dealt with folks who behave this way, you know how annoying it can feel.
It's even more annoying when you find out that you once exhibited these tendencies yourself.
As one who has experienced being on both sides of the proverbial coin, I can offer a few insights based on my observations. My intention for this blog is to share what I have learned on my journey. May you find them ever useful.
Therefore, this blog entry will serve as part one of a multi-part series on the subject of neediness. There will likely be things in this series that will resonate with you and things that won't. That is fine.
Take what you discern to be useful. Discard the rest.
And now, on to the meat and bones.
What causes neediness? For me, it stems from a perception that something is missing from one's life and that one must have it in order to be happy...or else. That's as simple as I can put it.
For example, Guy X desires to be sexually intimate with Girl Y on The Hub. He believes that doing so will make him happy. When she responds with a "no," he won't accept it because he believes must have sex with her (and only with her) in order to be happy. Therefore, he keeps pestering Girl Y. This only succeeds in pushing her away from him.
Contrast that with Guy Z, who knows that he enjoys sex but doesn't need it. Let us say that he sends a PM to Girl Y and receives a "no." Instead of reacting, he politely thanks her and moves on to the next prospect. Sooner or later, he hooks up with someone who says "yes."
You see, once you deeply understand the nature of neediness and where it comes from, the solution and the skills for dealing with it will follow.
In the next installment of my blog, I'll share a few of the lessons that I learned from someone who taught me the most by hurting me the most. Stay tuned.
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5:33 am Sunday, 21st February, 2016
Agreed on this
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11:32 am Sunday, 21st February, 2016
Nicely written, very simply worded yet tastefully written. We can reference Freud here; as what we are we but the cumulative result of our childhood. Keep it up! |
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2:53 pm Sunday, 21st February, 2016
Thanks, friends. Prepster9913, it looks like a discussion on Freud is in order when we meet in person. :) |
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4:20 pm Sunday, 21st February, 2016
100 marks , you grabbed the cream and served it in here... kudddos |
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12:17 am Monday, 22nd February, 2016
Thanks, readers. @openislandcpl Correct me if I'm wrong but women seem to be naturally better at this cat string theory pushing and pulling thingy. The person I'll write about in a future blog entry got that down to an art form. At least you folks know how to do it right. Not all of the people we've dealt with it manage to do it in a way that teases without stepping on other people's core values. Good for you. :) |
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5:38 am Monday, 22nd February, 2016
Thanks, Nedy. Will do. :) |
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5:49 am Monday, 22nd February, 2016
Thanks to your insights! I surely appreciate have learn something that is entirely true..... It really nice to learn from people with open mind, deeper understanding and wider perspective... More power guys! |
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9:22 am Monday, 22nd February, 2016
@darkrider You're welcome. Thanks. :)
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3:52 pm Monday, 22nd February, 2016
The problem and all its twisted iterations called "answers" can be found in the subconscious, but we choose to ignore it, lest we be "less macho less sexy" in our eyes. The subconscious is an interesting, albeit dark cave we as a couple go to for some skinny dipping anytime we encounter such.=) |
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4:02 pm Monday, 22nd February, 2016
@prepster9913 Interesting. I didn't realize you were "spelunkers." How deep into the cave do you wish to go? :) |
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10:58 pm Monday, 22nd February, 2016
@openislandcpl Indeed! There is apparently a branch of hypnosis called sexual hypnosis. It might be worth exploring. :) |
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6:58 pm Monday, 11th April, 2016
in ukraine, women outnumber the men 4 to 1... and yes, it is the women who chase after guys. i guess this is where freud departs and adam smith's law of supply and demand messes everything up. |
