An observation on wants in a relationship

I reckon "love" is not all it's cracked up to be. We all subscribe to the ideal at some point in our lives, and this leads us into relationships that eventually cool. As you say, what happens after that defines us as individuals: either we find ourselves contented or we don't. I suppose a scientificcynical viewpoint is that when we meet someone attractive who reciprocates our attentions, our brain chemistry alters and bamboozles us into thinking that we ought to start nest-building :-) But people persistently *want* to believe that going for broke to the exclusion of all others is the only natural, moral and logical option we have. It's so hard to think outside the box when it comes to this issue because - as well as being bamboozled - we have been socially conditioned as a species over the centuries. All this is a bit like religion: people don't like to hear someone up on a soapbox saying it's all rubbish, and they want to continue believing in it even though it may not seem logical. Philosophizing is all very well, but people have bought into a belief system and deep down they really enjoy that never-ending cycle of excitement, infatuation and disappointment :-)

I intend on putting up another blog on The social conditioning of morality, verses instinct, as a species. Instinct can explain a lot of social taboos that are only taboos because of morality. With morality being a religious based conditioning, at what point did some instincts, which are genetical, become a crime in modern society and is it only personal religious instilled morality that keeps us form falling into complete animal, which we are, behaviors.

I am a romantic....I have always been...I think you can just talk to me and within minutes people can see it easily. I come from a very catholic background and from the time I was little, I was told I should wait for a prince to love for all my life. Not being explicit about sex was also included in the package.

Now, after all my experiences in life and after chatting to many people here, I can say i have not stopped being who I am but i have realized that couples here are enjoying another dimension that does not fit with the normal parameters that we were all taught to see as normal. However, they are truly happy. i always admire how open they are. I am jealous sometimes to see how they enjoy many aspects of their relationship. They love each other deeply and yet, they are open to be different.

What do I expect now? Well, I don't anymore. I truly think that different people suit us at different periods in our life. I could have a preconceived ideal but the truth is I know one person could just easily change all my preconceptions because it will appear at the period in my life when I need him to be with me...

Finally, do I feel comfortable with my skin. I have to say I never felt better :)

Sorry Deborose. Now all I.can do is focus on the willy. What did u write? Hahaha

I know what you mean FFP having also grown up in a strict Catholic home. I was taught that any sex, including self help, outside of marriage was mortal sin and punishable by eternal hellfire. I also suffered badly, socially from asperges as a kid and it took me till my early 40s before I started to feel comfortable just being me. Now I'm at the opposite end as I'm so comfortable on my own that I need to force myself to interact socially and that is one of the reasons I joined this site. Most of the other users are more open minded than normal and happily engage in conversations and activities that are, for the most part considered, religious taboos.
I am also a romantic and would love to find a partner who has my back just as I have theirs, who is also secure enough in them self and our relationship to be able to push each others boundaries beyond the comfort zone on multiple levels including sexually, in a safe way that enchorages mature personal growth. I'd also like her to want at least one child as I would like to be a dad too :) It's a big ask I know and I doubt I'll find her any time soon but then I never know. In the mean time I'm in that place of a single man on the sidelines of, for the most part, a single woman and couples world. In a sense I'm lucky though as I'm not only sexually driven, there are many more facets to me other than the want to share pleasure and I hope that people will see that in my blogs and other activities on site. A place like this gives me the best chance of finding that special, emotionally secure and like minded lady who just may fit my wants and needs. At least in here people are open to converse on subjects outside the "normal relationship" box.

Why does the site do the**** thing? There was no need for editing there. It should read.
Like minded lady that just. .............

AG: It's an annoying piece of automatic preliminary moderation software that zaps suspect strings of characters. The asterisks remain in place for a day or so until the blogs are checked by a human eye. I'm afraid it's just a fact of life for us regulars, and despite mutterings of discontent, it doesn't look as though the system will change anytime soon.....

The only lady I ever really wanted to be with for the rest of my life, Lostman, was one whom I was totally in love with and still hold a great deal of affection for. The problem was that she was physically sick for a number of years and needed 247 care, which I did happily. On finally beating her illness, she needed to re establish herself as an independent individual as the next part of her healing journey. So out of love, I had to let her go, That was almost 5 years ago and I am only now starting to look again at the possibilities of finding someone else or others that I can be intimate with. It was the journey with her that opened my eyes to looking at everything I want from a relationship, including what I don't want, and has put me on the path that I now follow. :)

AG: I think everyone has a tale to tell about a significant other in the past, whether it be a wife, GF, mistress, casual lover, or even an escort. Every relationship we have, however flimsy, tells us more and more about ourselves as we progress through life. The impact that every relationship has on us will vary according our life stage and metalemotional disposition. Sometimes letting someone go is painful, especially after the investment has been considerable. But the secret of maturity lies in being able to assimilate that experience and letting it guide you along the path that forever extends before you. You are obviously a sincere and thinking man, and this already shines through your posts. I'm sure you have many great experiences ahead, and that many will want to connect with you.

sorry....."mental" :-)

I do like Zeppelin, though..... :-)

I just try to be real in all things, always speak my truth and maintain a honor and integrity in life. Old school values I know but I think that society these days has lost something with the passing of a lot of old school things.

I'm also "old school" (I suppose) but flexible :-) I have sex-age daughters so I'm fairly up to date with current mores and trends. However, I still think that our generation had the best of it, and are more liberated. We also have the benefit of having a broader perspective; sometimes younger people can be shockingly prudish. You shouldn't mourn the passing of previous values. Instead you should embrace them and appreciate how much they make you desirable in the present age. Believe me I know ;-)

Maybe I've left a false impression, I don't morn the passing of anything as I have no control over any of it and morning or giving things I have no control over negative energy is not only a waste of my time but everyone else's too. I try to embrace everything and move with it while hopefully creating a comfortable space, within it, in which I can move and grow. :)