It’s fun and it’s convenient, and other than a pair of sexy undies, you don’t invest much into it.
You basically get to have a no-holds-barred humpfest and go about your day afterwards without needing to check on your partner.
So what’s the catch when you take on a f*ck buddy?
The Basics
Your pseudo-relationship will revolve around sex. The topics of your communication will be predominantly when to hook up, what position is preferred and which toys or roles to try.
Therefore, you cannot expect your “playmate” to start asking you what your favorite color is, what your hopes and dreams are or how many kids you want to have, nor should you ask these questions.
Your relationship is merely an agreement between two people to have sex with no strings attached and no feelings involved.
Asking or expecting more than sex is a violation of your agreement. It is and always will be just about sex.
So now, whether you’ve never been in a strictly-sex relationship before or you’re considering the idea, here’s what you need to know about the physical, psychological, social and emotional risks and consequences of taking part in no-strings nookie:
1. Developing feelings
This is the most common risk of being in a f*ck buddy setup. The reason is mainly because you’re likely hooking up with someone you’re incredibly attracted to.
Physical attraction, after all, is one of the main factors in considering someone for a romantic relationship.
2. Losing self-respect and self-esteem
The only reasons accepted by the norm for having intercourse are a) to express love to your partner, and b) to build a family.
Take those out of the equation and you may find yourself having a hard time justifying why you’re having a strictly-sex relationship.
It also doesn’t help that there is a double standard against women hooking up, so you resort to either confiding in only your closest non-judgmental friends about the relationship, or not telling anyone else about it at all.
3. Losing respect for your partner
You know that your partner is willing to hook up without asking for anything in return, and this puts him or her in a different light when compared to other people you’ve been with.
Without being able to confide in, share meaningful conversations and doing personal activities apart from sex with your partner, your relationship lacks depth and significance.
4. Contracting an STD
Before you get into any friends-with-benefits relationship, you should ask your partner and make sure he or she does not have any STDs before you engage in any acts.
Also remember to always wear protection whenever you do the deed. Still, since you are not in a committed relationship with this person, you cannot demand and ensure that he or she does not have sex with anyone else, let alone be 100 percent assured your FWB stays cooties-free whenever he or she does.
5. Misplaced jealousy
Whether you have developed feelings for your partner or you just simply do not want to share your sex toy, you might find yourself feeling jealous of other people your partner gets close with.
This is difficult because you can’t voice your jealousy or ask your partner to stop seeing other people.
6. Pregnancy
If protection fails (hoping that you do use protection), you might find yourself in this very challenging and unwanted position.
You would have to make decisions on a major responsibility with someone you do not have a meaningful relationship with (yikes!).
7. Lowered expectations on your other relationships
As you put in more time into your casual relationship, you’ll become accustomed to shallow connections.
There will be no holding hands, no terms of endearment and no discussing feelings or personal details.
The more time you put in not doing these things, the more this behavior becomes normal to you. This eventually will carry over to your other relationships without you even realizing it.
8. Compromising your career and social life
A successful career and social standing rely heavily on one very vulnerable thing: reputation. Reputation is based mainly on morals, or whatever behavior is deemed acceptable by the norm.
Once people find out that you take part in casual relationship(s), you may jeopardize your reputation and all the merit and social credibility that you’ve worked hard on building.
Just to be clear, I did not point out all these risks and consequences to discredit hooking up. I, for one, am very much in favor of going after what I truly want, and if having fun without the frills of a romantic relationship is what you want, so be it.
However, I also think it’s better to be mindful of what possible ramifications are in store before indulging ourselves.
More importantly, it helps to make sure your true desires are being considered. Are you really in it just for sex, or are you hoping to get more out of it? In no-strings-attached relationships, the fewer expectations you have, the less risks and consequences there may be.
3:11 am Sunday, 30th August, 2015
Now i really want to meet you. We could talk about a lot of stuff. |
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3:34 am Sunday, 30th August, 2015
Its ok. But if you change your mind. Just pm me. Id like a good conversation. We could chat someday. |
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4:27 am Sunday, 30th August, 2015
Id like spade if in the mood to get wasted. Im more into chilling now like zola but darker. Dont know the bars here nowadays. Just know the old ones. Did red lion relocate? |
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8:19 am Sunday, 30th August, 2015
Oh red lion was my favorite before. Now i go to zola like once in two months. But i prefer it darker. Cant find the right place yet. Can we have an actual chat. Haha. |
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9:38 pm Sunday, 30th August, 2015
Sounds like you're a bit against FWB relationships?? From my own perspective (3+years with a friend who means a lot to me, but yea, it's only sex) I have a few comments.
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4:04 am Monday, 31st August, 2015
Erotic and Deborose have just written all what it could be said about the topic. Sex for the sake of sex can be found anywhere at any time. As a woman I feel I would not even need a site for this. I could easily go out and get it. It is a sad thought in a way but it is true.
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4:23 am Monday, 31st August, 2015
Nothing much to add except to say you have clearly given deep and logical thought to the subject and express yourself very clearly and lucidly. |
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7:33 am Monday, 31st August, 2015
Hi sweet if ever your in makati just let me know i'll be more than willing to entertain. |
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8:45 am Monday, 31st August, 2015
Nice one... |
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5:02 pm Monday, 31st August, 2015
I for years loved nsa or fab the only issue I found is I'm a nice guy girl would get feelings and the heartless man I become. I hurt a lot of girls the hardest thing the balance between feels am they have and I don't have and when you have to walk away. |
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1:28 am Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
Sorry I arrived late at this discussion, but I have to say I fall into the deboroseEG camp. The writer of this blog seems to put NSA on a similar level to dogging: almost a purely clinical or mechanical interaction completely devoid of emotional interaction :-) Almost like blowing one's nose or making a dash to the toilet :-)
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11:34 am Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
Each and every input from every1 here , changed my prospective totally
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1:08 pm Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
Nareshsh: You are welcome :-) |
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1:39 pm Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
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1:39 pm Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
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1:39 pm Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
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1:39 pm Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
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2:19 pm Tuesday, 1st September, 2015
Oh dear. How coarse. |
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2:51 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
I have been in 2 NSA relationships... There are pros and cons... Unfortunately, one I got attached and fucked it up... The other my partner got attached and fucked it up... It's easy to say, "yeah let's just be fuck buddies" but I would bet that 75-80% of the time one party or the other begins seeking or wanting more...
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2:51 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
I have been in 2 NSA relationships... There are pros and cons... Unfortunately, one I got attached and fucked it up... The other my partner got attached and fucked it up... It's easy to say, "yeah let's just be fuck buddies" but I would bet that 75-80% of the time one party or the other begins seeking or wanting more...
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3:55 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
I think it's all down to finding that correct "balance of neediness", gary. It's a tough one, but it *is* attainable. |
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4:33 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
A year ago, I came to the site and with the idea of NSA. It has taken me all that time to actually find a balance in my mind and to learn how to separate different kind of expectations. It is a process. Nobody is born ready to have a NSA relation and not everyone should have one as it is up to each person to choose what it suits them the best according to their needs and time and space,
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4:47 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
Couldn't agree more, FFP. NSA is not for everyone, and for those who manage that delicate balance, it takes time and maturity to master. |
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5:01 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
i can say that theres really a thin line between NSA and emotions involving getting hooked to the status quo of the two peoples interest on how to separate those two. its like a matter of life and death . .when u have NSA u live qhen u chose attaching emotions ur dead coz ur expecting something that is merely a dream or a fantasy which wud hurt u not physically but emotionally :-) hehe maybe im to young thpugh to have said it |
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5:02 am Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
i can say that theres really a thin line between NSA and emotions involving getting hooked to the status quo of the two peoples interest on how to separate those two. its like a matter of life and death . .when u have NSA u live qhen u chose attaching emotions ur dead coz ur expecting something that is merely a dream or a fantasy which wud hurt u not physically but emotionally :-) hehe maybe im to young thpugh to have said it |
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2:50 pm Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
Been in an NSA relationship also. We both came out of it totally sane and with a special kind of love between us. We love each other as special friends. I must say I wish everyone could have that kind of love. Even if months or years go by, we are there for one another. We are each others protector. We met when we where both weekend by the world and others, we held each other up, we talked, we communicated, we taught one another, he even used to read to me with his soothing, kind voice. We had and still have a special kind of bond. |
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3:02 pm Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
Been there, done that, and yes I have several special friendships that were born out of that situation. If two people put in some effort they can forge something valuable. That's why I think shallow, sex-only liaisons are ultimately false economy. |
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4:03 pm Wednesday, 2nd September, 2015
People who were and who are in NSA relationship , seriously you all are lucky to find this people and the experiences u had |
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2:53 am Thursday, 3rd September, 2015
lets have an actual chat miss :) |
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4:11 am Thursday, 3rd September, 2015
@Skebbie, I believe that it is attainable, but not for everyone...
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1:59 pm Thursday, 3rd September, 2015
Hi Guys n Gals,
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9:03 pm Thursday, 3rd September, 2015
I agree with all of you! No one is against anything but its always good to consider what you're doing and know where to keep a red line! The idea is to enjoy your desires with setting your limitations! Well said by everyone. |
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1:26 am Monday, 7th September, 2015
Sex depends on mind...!!! |
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5:06 am Monday, 7th September, 2015
I was just reading all the posts re: NSA, its very timely nowadays
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12:32 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
sweetgrace: You are at a difficult age :-) You are still within the danger zone for "nesting", so I can understand your dilemma. Add another 15 years and you'll be in the clear :-) |
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1:31 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
I am 34 and fine Skebbie....I think lol
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1:44 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
But generalizing..........(always dangerous I know :-)...........I would say that the age range of 20-40 (roughly) is a very dodgy time for ladies when it comes to interaction with men. I'm willing to bet even you are still vulnerable, FFP :-) |
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1:52 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
I think we are all here (in this website), because someway or the other we are dissatisfied with our relationship. What do we do?
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1:54 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
Skebbie, what r we betting? Lol and how do we check this? :p
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2:01 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
Ron: Yes we all have sexual energy to vent, but speaking personally I wouldn't go and do it with strangers in a layby :-) Some of us here need some sort of personal connection. It may not be as meaningful as a full-on LTR but at least it gives us a chance to share some empathy and make us feel valued as human beings. If I was simply looking for "sexual relief" then I'd probably wank more often. However, I prefer to save myself for something more worthy, and it doesn't have to mean falling in "love". |
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2:26 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
Being a woman of little words here is some food for thought... maybe us that can handle an NSA relationship are the ones that dont have deep emotions any more, our logic rules, reality rules... sometimes I so wish I had it in me to fall madly and insanly in love, to say and feel "Feck it, I will allow myself to fall head over heels and whatever happens, happens". But no, I have my emotions under control, I do my reality checks every so often and I know its a waste of energy. |
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4:46 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
Who's Gerald Butler ? ;-) |
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5:06 pm Monday, 7th September, 2015
Yeah your right sweet grace your getting pro sooner or later. Downside is, you cannot express your emotions easily weather its a true love or FUBU, NSA, "pusong bato"
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1:53 am Tuesday, 8th September, 2015
Sweetgrace, it is easy to get the feeling of being "special" especially if we haven't had any in a while... It can happen to anyone... I think the fwb situation is not for everyone... It's like many of life's situations... What works for one, doesn't always work for another... That's why we are all individuals, and not robots... |
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2:58 am Tuesday, 8th September, 2015
Hey Skebbie, there is a very thin line in between having meaningfulemotional sex and sex in love. How do we define that?
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3:44 am Tuesday, 8th September, 2015
Like I say.....you have to find the "right balance of neediness". If I felt a lady-friend was investing too much in me emotionally, then it would no longer be "magical" :-) The magical part comes from knowing that the status quo is fine for both partners. |
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6:24 am Tuesday, 8th September, 2015
I have to say this blog is making me think so much. Now 'neediness" again will depend on people's perception of this word and probably experience and goals.
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11:11 am Wednesday, 9th September, 2015
Btw, where is the pics of yours sweetgrace? |
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6:45 pm Wednesday, 9th September, 2015
Why she deleted it? |