MARRIED OR NOT MARRIED? THAT IS THE QUESTION

Dear Cleo, we have discussed this topic in the chat room and I don't think there's anything useful I can add. Married or single, do you think the promise of a new Ferrari has nay influence on a ladies thinking ? Ha Ha .Just kidding !

I often wonder why a married man should be on a site like this unless as playing as a pair!! Equally some hide the fact they are married. I always tread carefully and prefer honesty in both men and women whether single or not. What is there to gain by being dishonest!!! After all we are all adults. Similarly men who pretend to be women!!!!! and married women pretending to be single or playing without partners knowledge!!!!! Please be real and open no one here will judge but we all need to know the truth. :)
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This is officially my 5th month in the chatroom and I have gone through many phases already. My profile has changed at least 5 times and I have chatted with people from all over the world. I have made very good friends and it has been a great journey for my curious mind.

However, one of the questions that have popped into my mind recently has been: Married or not married? Does it matter? Why and why not?

I would like your thoughts on this. And do we have double standards according to the gender?

This is officially my 5th month in the chatroom and I have gone through many phases already. My profile has changed at least 5 times and I have chatted with people from all over the world. I have made very good friends and it has been a great journey for my curious mind.

However, one of the questions that have popped into my mind recently has been: Married or not married? Does it matter? Why and why not?

I would like your thoughts on this. And do we have double standards according to the gender?

Thanks for the replies. However, one question remains, do we want the panda to be married or not? lol

Don't forget guys Mrs or Miss Panda is only interested in sex for half a day every year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!img src="imagesadultemoticons026.gif"

Ooooh..please this is my opinion and personal feelings...my aim is not too cause offence..

For me if a person is married with someone etc its a NO..even though its only nsa fun I am looking for I would never have sex with someone who was deceiving another person..I will not be part of that deceipt...

Marriage is a piece of paper that u gotta pay for nt to mention how much the actual weeding is gonna cost ya.
Love is from ur heart its in every fibre of ur being.
Ur with that special someone coz u two choose to coz u Love one another an if at some point that changes if u truly do Love each other ul let that special someone go coz weather there with u or with another, as long as they are happy thats all that should matter coz you really truly do Love her with all ur heart an soul.
Just enjoy each day together as if its ur last coz before u know it it could be taken from u as easily as a click of ur fingers.
Love each other not till the day you die but till the end of time coz at some point ul find each other again in whatever life or place is waiting for us. K

Psavour...I dont judge..who the feck am I too judge? I just would not indulge with an attatched person...Ive considered briefly before..its not in my make up

Btw huge squidgy hug for you xx

From my perspective, I prefer a married, possibly you have far fewer problems because they both know what they are doing and practicing what hoppin like you, I do not want problemsimg src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif"

In my humble opinion it all comes down to honesty, which is sometimes seems to be a somewhat rare quality, i find it very refreshing that some are 100% honest at all times as that is how i am about my situation. Have to say If someone can't be honest than i don't want to know as i'd question what other secrets are they keeping. I will add that i don't judge others as that's there business, but the right to make an informed decision is my right so expect to be given that right at all times by being given the full facts :-) x

I have been reading with attention all your replies which I thank you took the time to write.

My mum was married teachnically when she met by dad. I said teachnically because she was separated and with two kids but still that was her status and my dad understood. They have been married for 40 years now and had 3 more kids. :)

To define a person due to the marital status only is something that can easily happen. The story behind a person and why he or she is here should be something to be considered I guess but only if it is the truth. I have learned that nothing is black and white in life. However, it is easy to associate marriage and trouble I think so I would not blame those people who hear the word and run away either.

As many said here, the truth should be the first thing to be told at all times. Nobody likes to be lied or given empty promises. If two people agree to be together knowing the truth and the parameters then they should also be able to deal with the consequences or make decisions to go ahead.

Personally, I would never like to be the reason for a marriage to be broken or for kids suffering.


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Well said Sassy

Psavour: I am sure many people are reading your words and identifying with them. This site is a place for people to discover themselves in a way and what they want but also for other people to find understanding not matter their sexual preferences or personal situation.

I have chatted with many people with curiosity and always with an open-minded attitude. However, the reason why I have been changing my profile so many times is mainly due to my internal battles and my experience here good and bad.

I have reached the climax (lol) and so now I am just not looking and hoping I will just be surprised (in a good way) and be blown away and believe me I am sure there is someone here that is also thinking th same img src="imagesadultemoticons001.gif" Good luck in here ;P

All difficult questions to answer.. I am married and I am not hiding it. The last sexual relation that I had with my wife dates from more than two years ago and (for reasons that I'm not going to explain) the situation is not going to improve any time soon. Now then, shall I tell her that I am on this web site looking for alternatives? No way, it won't make anyone happier.

We all have reasons why we are here, but I would resist the temptation of morally judging other people without knowing the individual personal circumstances. I met great people here most of them giving me a lot of understanding, but I also met people that literally crucified me both in public on the chat and with pretty nasty personal messages.

Bottom line... enjoy the company of others here, don't judge them

The way I look at people's relationship statuses, especially on a site like this, is probably akin to quantum maths. If you split up the two statuses "in a relationship" and "not in a relationship" into all possible permutations and situations, you get a myriad of miniscule human interactions, and so it becomes absurd to think that one can apply the same moral and social rules to all of them. The most basic and obvious example is trying to differentiate between "married" and "in a relationship". The only difference is that the former is a legal status officially entered in public records. Are two people more committed to each other as a result? Probably not. Then, of course, there are the various ways in which people "make relationships work", ranging from being exclusively joined at the hip to a completely open and free situation in which they are rarely under the same roof and perfectly willing to shag all and sundry in the meantime.

If we accept that this site is designed to "get people laid", then people have absolutely no business moralizing about others' situations. Clearly there is a need to state one's own individual circumstances at the outset so that any potential sexual partner can decide whether heshe is attuned to your own individual quantum bubble, but there are certainly no "rights" and "wrongs" in this game. There is no such thing as "black" and "white" as we bump randomly into each other in this vast sexual cosmos :-)

Skibbie, as always you have a way with words, Clear and sensible! Nice to see you back :)

Freefor. I personally think most people miss the point. Sex,be it casual. predetermined, sexual or just as it happens, is down to one simple thing. One element. Do you really fancy the look of the person in front of you ?
You can certainly have sex just for a quick fix, but deep down, what would you really like. Sexual fun with a person attractive to yo, or sexual fun with someone who is just a re;ease ?? Its ok for a quickie, but thats not forme. Its great to have a nice connection. Am i wrong ???

I prefer married women less game playing and if man has partner too .both understand situate better. Single lady married man you always worry single girl be careless or spill the beans. ... Now "free for pleasure ' you married ? Where you from ? img src="imagesadultemoticons008.gif"

I am married, I love my wife dearly, but she does have a very low sex drive. So I have strayed and have always been honest with the person I have been with that I am married and this is purely two consenting adults enjoying life. I have always lived with the one thought, life is very short, we only get one shot at life, so make the most of it.img src="imagesadultemoticons001.gif"

Dear lord that would bring a tear to a glass eye Psavour. Don't envy you but admire you in a strange kind of way for your conviction to see things through till the bitter end.
Now i say bitter as i tend to think that anyone 'stuck' in that situation is bound to feel some sort of bitterness or resentment towards their other half. It's sometimes better to make the break as at times it's better to have two happy parents even if they live apart than two unhappy ones that stay together for the sake of kids. As more often than not the kids can tell that something is up. Just my thoughts though nothing meant personally against you Psavour as i don't know your full situation i'm just making a general observation as to what i come up against in my line of work.

HV: The truth is my original blog was an amazing master piece where I basically was wondering if the fact that you are married has any effect or not in other members here. However, I was also thinking that we have been talking about how men get isolated a little but in case of women, it is almost like a magnet so I was thinking the standards seemed to be different. I hope this helps :)

Actually that's true: If a woman outs herself as being married on a site like this, it tends to suggest that she only wants casual sexual activity, which is a situation that would seem to suit most men just fine :-) However, for men, fessing up as being married on a profile seems to be the kiss of death :-) It may be that married men are more attractive to women in the real world rather than via sex sites: perhaps for some women who get to know a married man - for example in the workplace - there reaches a point where his known qualities begin to outweigh his marital status.

But good girls don't flash their chest, most use their brains as a means to dazzle others, rather than their other assets. Anyway in this cold weather it's not a good idea to flash anything for fear of thenit turning to ice and being snapped off if not handled carefully. Waiting for the warmer weather is a nightmare in this countryimg src="imagesadultemoticons022.gif"

I believe that honesty is best all round, in every situation that may come up in our lives. Wouldn't act in a different way when the subject of ifi was married or single ever came up, though wonder if that is due to the fact that after
15 years of married life i found myself single after a very costly divorce.
Anyway i stand by the old saying - 'It always pays to be honest'

I have chatted with some people here about what it seems the the double standards in relation to genders and marriage.

I have the overall impression that a woman who is married is an exciting prospect for single males as they like the thought of some "secret encounters" and for married men, it is ideal because both parties are on the same situation and there is no danger of" any trouble" in the future.

As for men, women are definitely more strict. For some reason, the thought of a man lying to a woman and cheating is not a good proposal for any woman. It is almost like this situation just tells u in advance that this guy is not a "good egg".

I suppose even on the site you can not avoid having inequalities. One person from the chat told me that maybe women are just harder on men and they have had bad experiences. I wonder....

I have chatted with some people here about what it seems the the double standards in relation to genders and marriage.

I have the overall impression that a woman who is married is an exciting prospect for single males as they like the thought of some "secret encounters" and for married men, it is ideal because both parties are on the same situation and there is no danger of" any trouble" in the future.

As for men, women are definitely more strict. For some reason, the thought of a man lying to a woman and cheating is not a good proposal for any woman. It is almost like this situation just tells u in advance that this guy is not a "good egg".

I suppose even on the site you can not avoid having inequalities. One person from the chat told me that maybe women are just harder on men and they have had bad experiences. I wonder....

On the whole, I would say that women tend to be more vengeful creatures than men. If they consider themselves to have been wronged by men in the past, they don't suffer fools gladly on sites like this. This situation compounds the fact that women by nature already have an instinct for being extremely choosy about whose bodily fluids they share, as they are the ones who have to deal with the consequences of accepting a "loser's DNA" :-)

There is indeed a double standard with regard to gender on adult dating sites. Married men are considered to be lying, cheating, faithless bastards, whereas married women are simply perceived as rightly seeking what has been lacking in their marriage :-) Therefore, is it really surprising that married men feel tempted to disguise their status in order to make progress on a site like this? I'm not being an apologist for male dishonesty: I'm simply stating the rationale behind it.

As has been said above - honesty is the only way to go. However, it will narrow down the available field considerably :-)

Interesting comments so far and seeing the comments about the double standards about men or women being married. It seems like it boils down to when men are married and on here then they are classed as liars, cheats, unfaithful, ... but if a married woman is looking for a meet up then it doesn't seem to matter. Is that because most guys don't care and just want a quick shag so to speak?

I find it quite interesting that people link marriage with sex, when I personally think that that isn't always the case. What about people who are married, but who for various reasons no longer have sex with their spouse? What about all the people who still "love" their partner but who for medical or other reasons no longer can or want sex? People who's spouse is disabled or medically or physically unable to have sex? What do these people do when they still have needs? Go and visit an escort or a prostitute? Not exactly very appealing to me personally with all the risk involved.

There are plenty more reasons why people are looking for someone on adult dating sites than just cheating on their partner. I'm personally in a situation where my partner can't have sex anymore and hasn't been able to for 7 years. She is the one that actually suggested I join a site and find someone who may be in a similar situation or who is also looking for sex but without all the commitment or emotional baggage. There is only one rule and that is that I don't do it at home and that she doesn't know all the details. She will ask me sometimes what someone was like that I met, but that is it.

I would be curious to find out how many people are in the same situation and how they deal with it.

hullbuddy: I suspect your situation is way more common than you might think. I reckon a surprising number of married married women would be supportive of husbands looking elsewhere if they were unable or no longer interested in having sex, and likewise many of their husbands still have affection for their wives under these circumstances and have no desire to change their lives. If anything, I would say this indicates a greater degree of maturity in a relationship than guys who completely lose their heads and want to "run off" with another woman who shows sexual interest.

skebbie, thanks for the comment.

But it isn't just married men who are in that situation. I would even go as far as saying that there are more women in a situation where their husbandspartners are no longer interested in having sex. For a variety of reason. I have had some great chats with people who still have needs and who are not prepared at 40 something to throw in the towel on their sex life just because their partner can't perform anymore. Also most blokes once they hit a certain age don't seem to be interested anymore or get bored, whereas some of their wives seem to get a second wind and still want to have fun.

My experience is that more women go down the route of finding a friend with benefits who can help them out occasionally so to speak :) They don't necessarily want a full blown relationship or all the loved up stuff that comes with it. They want someone who they can have sex with, have fun and spend a bit of time. But that doesn't mean they want someone who just fucks them and then walks off never to be seen again. No quite a few of the people I spoke to want something a bit more regular, something more familiar.

Yes I agree it cuts both ways. There is no gender monopoly on losing sexual enthusiasm within a long-term relationship.
My own personal preference is for a loose long-term connection rather than just purely physical one-offs,and I'm sure many people on here are of a like mind. Ironically, though, even those types of connections can get stale and eventually people start to look elsewhere once again. I simply think that it's the basic nature of humans to be constantly looking around for sexual possibilities, and that having a single exclusive long-term partner is not the way Nature intended. Some people may be able to get through life with one person, but that is due either to sheer luck in one's choice, self-delusion, or sheer lack of opportunity :-)

"just doing what I need to be normal. "

I suppose that could be extrapolated to most people on a site such as this :-)

I think I just need to add one thing....All people need to do what they consider it is the best thing to be happy. As long as they do not hurt anyone and they are honest, it should be their right.

I also believe there should not be a pre-judgement based solely on status. They could be single but with partners, they could be married but unhappy...the factors and combinations are endless...

I am not saying btw, be with a married man to all ...I am just saying, people shu do what they think is the best for both parties...Clear rules, honesty and an amazing time!!

SS: I am glad u r happy with ur decision :)

I tend not to judge, but rather evaluate every different set of circumstances as and when i come up against them.

God luck SensualS, the main thing is to Enjoy! :-) x

img src="imagesadultemoticons015.gif" to be honest, I will say no!
Unless you meet them as a couple!
My ex cheated on me and left me for a young stud! Before she left I say, I understand you had an affair but think on the kids! She was 43 the boy was coming out of uni as a doctor 26 yo. She took my house sold it spend the money and he left after the money gone!
I came to this site with my girlfriend as we are both curious about having sex in the same room with other couple. but we are not ready yet 😉 time will tell